Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Game On !!!!

Being a substitute teacher, I'm pretty much on call at all times. I have to be prepared to answer the phone on Sunday afternoon when a teacher is having waaay too much fun at the lake  is feeling very ill and needs a replacement for the next day, just as I have to be prepared for the call that comes at 8 am just after I return home from dropping my kids off at school, if I want to work and continue to get calls! I've packed myself a lunch and headed out the door plenty of times just two minutes after a call has come in (as if I'm a doctor saving lives or something, as if they need help and I'm the only one on earth who can do it). When nature calls duty calls, I gotta go.

Since warmer weather has hit the south, I've seen many children having to call home because their flip flops broke and they can't even walk around in them. So when my daughter picked out the one dollar pair to wear to school today, I had second thoughts.....well let's face it, I didn't give a rip, there's only a couple of days left before summer break.
Sure enough, by noon they were calling me to bring her more shoes. I had to get up out of my patio chair from which I had been reclining in for over an hour completely drop what I was doing, and go take her some tennis shoes. I knew that if I didn't change from my swimsuit I would be arrested  a teacher might be standing there sick and I need to be presentable in case I had to stay. So back into my day clothes (and flip flops which are permitted) I go and turn in my daughter's shoes.

I noticed several of the PTO members walking around in their cute matching shirts, shorts and tennis shoes, pony tails, and one says to me, "You want to stay and help with the volleyball game?" As it turns out, today was the PTO vs. Teachers volleyball game at the school. "Sure, I'll sell your pickle pops for ya!" Granted I had no idea what a pickle pop was but I was needed, and I was happy to help. But just then another PTO member showed up, and then she ran outside and threw up. She was out, not allowed to play. Another member had been at the hospital this past weekend and she couldn't play either, so they asked if I could fill in for them....AND PLAY VOLLEYBALL against the teachers, in front of the whole elementary school. One (who couldn't play)swapped shoes with me and gave me a shirt and it was ON!! I wanted to put black paint under my eyes to hide the bags  so I'd look tough, but I didn't have any. We walked out to the gymnasium. Everything went into slow motion, I see the other team walk in, some had cute little piggy tails, but I had news for 'em, they were going down!!! I knew most of them already, having answered some of their sad phone calls at 5 am when they needed me to work. I saw the PE teachers over there and I don't show how concerned I am. I mean they can teach the sport for crying out loud, I haven't played since middle school recess. I look over and see they have the nurse on their side as well, good they're gonna need her as far as I'm concerned. I squint me eyes and nod my head slowly at her, for intimidation purposes. She squints back...oh, GAME ON sister. The gym was hot. The gym was loud. We were about to play volleyball. Some kids scowled at me, "teachers rule, teachers rule!" But I'll get them back when I sub for their class! A few people shouted "PTO, PTO" and I was fired up. I saw the opponents gather around each other, as if they actually had a plan to defeat us....I didn't like the way they huddled. So we decided we needed to huddle up too, only we said things like, "how many can play? anyone know how to rotate?" ...and the whistle blew. And we played volleyball...for an hour. And guess who won baby? That's right, the PTO! Oh sure, I heard one of the losers teachers say, "Not bad for a bunch of housewives!!" But I got news for you...anytime, anywhere people! Well, preferably with advance warning, I do need tennis shoes....and I can see that if I'm gonna be working, volunteering at that school, I'd bet start working out. I have to be prepared for anything!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Emergency, Emergency!

We Moms don't ask for much. I would like a 20 min break of quiet time away from EVERYONE shower, but I never ask for more than 10, and usually settle for 5! Yesterday during my five minutes (which was cut down to 3) I had yet another conversation initiated the minute I turned on the water by a party outside the door. She sounded about six years old and yelled, "Emergency, Mama, I need to tell you something!" I totally ignored her since she wanted to tell me something rather than show me something (to show means that I no longer own one of my prized possessions, it has been destroyed...tell means a 15 min one sided conversation). I stepped inside and almost finished washing my hair when I hear, "Hurry, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT." Deep breath in, what does 'important' mean to a six year old? In my mind I'm thinking she wants to tell me who sat by her in the lunchroom, and the concerned Mommy in me wonders if she really needs to go bad and too embarrassed to say it out loud....I'd better pick up the pace here!
So I quickly finish my shower and as I'm getting dressed she again repeats how important this is. Now, I'm almost positive she needs to go so as soon as I'm covered, I fling open the door, towel on my head, grabbing my lotions...ready to apply them in the kitchen because...well, this is 'important' right? I see a pretty little six year old with a red kool aid stained upper lip with big, wide-eyed seriousness standing before me. "Tosha (THE DOLL) needs her nails painted."
I've been robbed!