Sunday, September 16, 2012

Just Kill Me!!

"Oh, let's go ride that," someone said as we walked up to the very first ride at an amusement park we drove to ANOTHER STATE for...

It looked quite harmless, some frowning green fish were slowly dragging to a complete stop where happy riders were exiting swiftly to move on to their next adventure. We chatted with interest as we eagerly boarded two by two per fish. My sister and her child were just fins away and my mother had my daughter safely strapped in while my son sat next to me. Impatience set in as other riders couldn't make up their minds which fish to board. Soon everyone was buckled and we watched the ride attendant pull the lever to start the ride.

With a loud hiss of warning shooting through our ears, wind began to part my hair as we slowly began to move. I looked around and tried to smile at my other family but concern constricted my face as the speed of this ride increased rather quickly. Within seconds, my grip got so tight on the bar in front of me I could have snapped a finger off at the knuckle and never known because all of the blood was being sent straight to my heart, to keep it pumping even at the rapid and dangerous level this ride had increased its rate to. As we closed in on the first twenty-five seconds of the ride, my eyes closed tightly as my spit glands began to fill in preparation to spill anything left in my stomach. I could hear someone yelling, "KILL ME!!!! JUST KILL ME NOW!! SHUT THIS DOWN!!!" I realized it was my own child and though I couldn't open my eyes that were buried at least two inches into my skull at this point, I reach over and feel his hand that was on the bar. "MAMA, WE ARE UP HIGH, WE ARE UP IN THE AIR. KILL ME!!"

I tried to rub my little boy's hand the best I could but there was no way I could let go of the grip I had on this bar, "Just close your eyes son. Just close your eyes. The Lord is gonna get us through this. He will, just close your eyes." My face has contorted at this point as I feel like I've fallen twelve stories and then jerked sideways and back up again. I hear other people screaming and I squeeze my eyes tighter to keep them from popping out of my head. I hear a loud familiar voice as we seem to be moving faster and faster, "Jesus help us please! Help us Jesus please!" It was my voice and I know that I had to be screaming very loud and I don't have a clue how many people are being entertained by my twisted face and the Worship Service I'm trying to have because again, my jaws are holding back the saliva that is triggered when you feel like vomit is not far behind. My body feels sideways and every single muscle I own is constricted to keep me from flying out into the parking lot.

After about three minutes of this horror, I hear the sound of the motor start to quieten a little and I knew it wouldn't be long before this machine started to slow down. I could feel my body moving around in circles and lowering down at the same time. When my son could speak in his normal voice, I knew it was safe to open my eyes. We were almost at a complete stop by then and I started "the laugh". I looked around at my family and we all began to laugh with that crazed hysteria that I found comfort in, knowing they too had just survived the same terror I had.

We all unbuckled and quickly walked away from the ride and stood under a tree. There, we wiped tears from our eyes with shaky hands as we quickly made an adult pact to NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS EVER EVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN. The kids were horrified but in hilarity rather than horror....and that was just the beginning of our amusement park fun for this weekend...

But on a lighter note, we got in a great workout. My arms, my buttocks and stomach are all so sore! I mean I was clamped up in that seat so tight, the only thing moving was my voice in a panic scream.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Break In

It's just after 4 a.m. I heard some ladies talking in kitchen but it was hard to hear over my sleep machine which was pouring nothing but waterfalls throughout my bedroom. It must be a break-in. I saw blue tinted beams coming from flashlights. I hopped to my feet and opened my bedroom door a little wider...I had not an ounce of fear.

I saw what appeared to be a small monkey drop down from the cabinets and I realize it wasn't ladies at all but the eleven year old boys that had been camping in my yard. They were starving, and they had found food. I say, "Hey! It's four in the morning. What are y'all doing?" Together they replied in voices too loud for this hour, "We were hungry, we had to get something to eat." One said, "Hey Mama, ......" I quickly shushed the child and assure him I have no desire to get into a long drawn out story until the coffee has brewed but I made sure they had eaten enough.

Soon, one kid was scarfing down a set of Pop Tarts and didn't look near as crazy as my little guy who was drinking a bowl of cereal (who knows?). I go get dressed for the day, get my glasses so I can see and get the coffee going before I even sit down to talk to them, because I have my priorities.

When I sat down in the living room only lit by the History Channel's glow from the television screen, I asked how they slept. "We've been up for 24 hrs straight nearly!!!" Then the Pop Tart kid says to me, "I napped some when he was talking, he never knew I fell asleep." But apparently my child did NOT sleep at all and he looks at me through the tiny slits of his eyes which appear to be held open only by toothpicks, "I didn't. But I'm WIDE awake."

I told the insomniacs that they needed to lie back in those recliners, and take a little nap, even if it was for only an hour or so and believe it or not, that is what they are doing. My child's toothpicks fell out and his eyes are shut and the other one may soon drift off for a while too. I told them I'd cook a big breakfast around 7 or 8 if they took a good nap. But I have to say, they sure have had fun. They've sat by the campfire, they've talked and scared each other in the tent, and sat by the fire some more until they finally came in to watch TV. Fun times. Good thing I actually like to wake at 4 in the morning! lol