BacK To SKooL ChEckliSt

That's right, it is BACK TO SCHOOL for the kiddos today! What people don't realize is that we who work in the school, have a list too. It might not include pencils and notebooks but we must be sure we are ready for when those doors open! Here's my list:

5.  Swimsuit ready. No I don't need to look good in a swimsuit but it must be clean, laid out and ready for me to put it on immediately when school gets out. The thought of jumping in the water after a long hard day of being Wonder Woman will soothe any first day of school!

4.  Complete preserving. The garden, the vines, the fruit trees were quite plentiful this season. All weekend I have jarred and preserved countless cans of jellies and jams. I put up corn, jarred the last of the tomatoes and we're in good shape for the school year on these items! Nothing like getting home and opening a can of "fresh" garden veggies or "fresh" fruit and being able to feed your family with all its goodness. You know exactly what's in it, and you know where it came from.

3.  Treadmill time. I don't walk mile after mile every week for any other reason than to be able to get where I'm going should I ever be confined to my feet. If my car breaks down three miles from home, I should be able to walk home if needed, and I'm confident I could do that. If 430+ kids, 50 faculty members AND one Principal give chase, I should be able to run away from them. I am confident I can run (a short distance) or at least walk swiftly to the main highway where I would call a friend to pick me up. (Hey, it's hot in Alabama right now, I do need air conditioner)

2.  Bug-out bag. My bug-out bag is in the trunk where it will remain at all times. In the bag is a change of clothes, first aid kit, water/food, and tons of other emergency supplies should the weather change quickly one day, and I get trapped at school with children. Our weather here is such a drama queen. It can be semi-warm, sun shining one day and thirty minutes later people are abandoning cars on the side of the road because an mini ice-age has frozen everything, including our mountain roads.

1.  Coffee & hymns. I love coffee and coffee mugs. I have a stockpile so that I will NOT run out and can travel with my addiction anywhere I need to go. It is imperative that I consume as much of this liquid gold each and every morning before I step foot outside. I also love church hymns. I turn the satellite radio on every morning and hear all the goodness as I prepare for my day. I will refer back to the hymns throughout my day when the phone is ringing off the hook, a child is in my office crying, or a parent is in my office crying, or a teacher is in my office crying....Unclouded Day or Farther Along can get me back to where I need to be!

Okay, I think I'm ready. When you actually work in a school, every single day can be different. There are some things you can't actually prepare for and I know this but I have my top 5 down. I'm ready for backpacks, school buses, fresh haircuts and smiling faces!

Just Kill Me!!

"Oh, let's go ride that," someone said as we walked up to the very first ride at an amusement park we drove to ANOTHER STATE for...

It looked quite harmless, some frowning green fish were slowly dragging to a complete stop where happy riders were exiting swiftly to move on to their next adventure. We chatted with interest as we eagerly boarded two by two per fish. My sister and her child were just fins away and my mother had my daughter safely strapped in while my son sat next to me. Impatience set in as other riders couldn't make up their minds which fish to board. Soon everyone was buckled and we watched the ride attendant pull the lever to start the ride.

With a loud hiss of warning shooting through our ears, wind began to part my hair as we slowly began to move. I looked around and tried to smile at my other family but concern constricted my face as the speed of this ride increased rather quickly. Within seconds, my grip got so tight on the bar in front of me I could have snapped a finger off at the knuckle and never known because all of the blood was being sent straight to my heart, to keep it pumping even at the rapid and dangerous level this ride had increased its rate to. As we closed in on the first twenty-five seconds of the ride, my eyes closed tightly as my spit glands began to fill in preparation to spill anything left in my stomach. I could hear someone yelling, "KILL ME!!!! JUST KILL ME NOW!! SHUT THIS DOWN!!!" I realized it was my own child and though I couldn't open my eyes that were buried at least two inches into my skull at this point, I reach over and feel his hand that was on the bar. "MAMA, WE ARE UP HIGH, WE ARE UP IN THE AIR. KILL ME!!"

I tried to rub my little boy's hand the best I could but there was no way I could let go of the grip I had on this bar, "Just close your eyes son. Just close your eyes. The Lord is gonna get us through this. He will, just close your eyes." My face has contorted at this point as I feel like I've fallen twelve stories and then jerked sideways and back up again. I hear other people screaming and I squeeze my eyes tighter to keep them from popping out of my head. I hear a loud familiar voice as we seem to be moving faster and faster, "Jesus help us please! Help us Jesus please!" It was my voice and I know that I had to be screaming very loud and I don't have a clue how many people are being entertained by my twisted face and the Worship Service I'm trying to have because again, my jaws are holding back the saliva that is triggered when you feel like vomit is not far behind. My body feels sideways and every single muscle I own is constricted to keep me from flying out into the parking lot.

After about three minutes of this horror, I hear the sound of the motor start to quieten a little and I knew it wouldn't be long before this machine started to slow down. I could feel my body moving around in circles and lowering down at the same time. When my son could speak in his normal voice, I knew it was safe to open my eyes. We were almost at a complete stop by then and I started "the laugh". I looked around at my family and we all began to laugh with that crazed hysteria that I found comfort in, knowing they too had just survived the same terror I had.

We all unbuckled and quickly walked away from the ride and stood under a tree. There, we wiped tears from our eyes with shaky hands as we quickly made an adult pact to NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS EVER EVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN. The kids were horrified but in hilarity rather than horror....and that was just the beginning of our amusement park fun for this weekend...

But on a lighter note, we got in a great workout. My arms, my buttocks and stomach are all so sore! I mean I was clamped up in that seat so tight, the only thing moving was my voice in a panic scream.

One Brick Shy

It only took like eight hours...but One Brick Shy the book is now available. Stories like The Waterslide, Journey to The Gym and lots of quotes from the children are all in one eBook. It's only $2.29 and it may not be absolutely perfect, but it was great practice. I have a much larger one coming out really soon, and I wanted to practice with the formatting and all to see how difficult it would be. It's all on The Country Sky blog right now...
or click the button below to visit my bookstore.

They've lost it...

You know that feeling when you leave the house of what did I forget?? Happens to everyone right? Well it didn't take me but a few miles before I realized what I didn't have...and that's high doses of anxiety medication!

What a day. The kids had to be separated right away. No surprise. Before we even got through the first town, I had to lay down the law.

"Look," I said. "You two will lose 4 wheelers, then you will lose your outside privileges and then it'll be a nice long nap for you if we can't all get along. Don't even look at each other."

I tried everything to distract them and finally, peace. The girl played quietly with Legos while the boy amused himself by staring at people as we drove past them. My luck was changing. Then, I noticed that we had a stalker. You know the weird guy that drives right beside you and never wants to pass or slow down, just ride along side you but you're too stubborn to look over kinda stalker. I thought I heard something which finally made me turn to look and see what the creep wanted only to find one of our favorite family friends laughing at us. Yes, we probably annoyed the traffic behind us as we chatted with our windows down for a mile or so but it was good to see "Old Man Clem". The rain had stopped pouring literally outside and the kids had calmed (just before the storm!)

We got to our appointment at The HEAR Center where #1 had to get his ears worked on. I thought he could play nice with the Legos while he got his ears tuned up...but I was wrong.

He instead made a toilet (ahem, yes I see what's inside) and before he was finished, yes, the Legos got taken away from him...by his Audiologist. Not for his special design but for the fact he just quit participating in the proper activity and decided to horseplay with the sister. The kids had just gone nuts by this point. They DID NOT earn a prize (again) and let's just say...ahh, nap time is wonderful. The only thing that got me through the horror was knowing that they've been worse....sad but true. We've been through worse and I'm lucky we have such a wonderful Audiologist that can get us MAPped and get us out of there quickly. (I wonder what she says to herself to get her through a Blakely appointment? "They'll be gone soon, they'll be gone soon....")

Just wasn't our best trip. This was our first big outing though since we've been out of school so it's hard to say if they've lost it completely yet. Only time will tell. I'm hoping the energy isn't this high on Friday when I'm trapped in driving a van for six hours with not only them but another wild child plus two more adults. As we walked out of the door the Audiologist whispered demonic-like "Good luck Friday."

But in their defense, the removal of activities and the addition of a nap (aka rest time) has really improved their behavior-they are usually pretty darn good at home-and like I told them...Mommy could develop a Social Phobia where we never go anywhere if they misbehave every time we leave the house...which means no Wal Mart, no thrift stores, no beach!

Summer Vocab Begins....Now

Mid-day today, my children will begin their summer break from school. With this break brings new and old vocabulary most often heard during this time spent together...as a family...all...summer...long. I've composed a short list of things I'm likely to say, and things that will likely come through the mouths of my growing babies...

Me

• Get that frog OUT OF HERE!!
• Check for ticks
• Does it need stitches?
• Watch for snakes!!
• Put that down!! Ewww!
• I'm not too old to do a cartwheel!!
• Ouch, I'm too old to do cartwheels
• Get that out of my house!!!
• Go get my camera!!
• I'll put it Facebook
• Run along now
• Go find Mama some chocolate
• Everyone is on SILENCE!!
• Does everyone have on shoes?

Kids

• We're out of popsicles
• I'm bored
• I'm goin' swimmin'
• Look Mama, twelve frogs
• Let's go fishin'
• He hit me
• She hit me
• Snake!!!
• I'm runnin' away and NEVER EVER EVER comin' back
• I'm hungry
• Can we stay up late?
• If we be good, can we _____

...and the list goes on and on and on...looking forward to all the summer time fun!!

We've Reached That Point

Irritated, I ransack the dryer for that final sock. Nothing was left but a couple of washcloths and a towel.  I look at the sock basket. The one piled high with socks because it shreds my nerves I'm too lazy to sort through them. I find one similar but not the same. For me or the kids, similar would work just fine but not for the husband, so look at the neat stacks I've already folded and I notice something. In my son's stack, I see a pair of socks that look almost the same, but something is a little different. Oh yeah! One has a gray bottom, the other is just white. There's my final sock. I hold the two socks up and I almost tear up. We've reached that point. Our children are big enough that I can't tell what is mine from my daughter's or my son's from my husband's. It's a sad, sad, day.

Driving to school one day, my son's friend (a classmate that carpools with us) got out her phone and was turning it off as we pulled in the parking lot. My child says, "Gyah, Mama won't let me have a phone til I get to seventh grade!" I tell him that he doesn't even talk on the phone....ever, so all he would use it for is texting and I'll get him one when he leaves the comforts of the elementary school, and heads over the scary high school. I am the ridiculous mother...we've reached that point.

The two kids that used to run around the yard together (all day long), collect worms and frogs just to freak me out and play in the tree house together, now can't play peacefully together for more than fifteen minutes. She's still into her dolls and playing school while he's hunting with a B B gun and looking for firewood. Unfortunately, we've reached that point.

I'm just looking to come out of this alive and with all my limbs. I may have to donate some brain cells as I lose everything from common sense to data that used to be important like my age, weight, and birthday.

Because I'm Pimpin'

I slide into the driver seat of the hot little family sedan I drive. It's cloudy outside but I slip on a pair of large lensed shades with fake diamonds on the side, because I'm pimpin'. I thump my way through the car line and soon I'm one kid down, the other still in tow.

As we make our way down that long road to the urban land, he's working hard on customizing his toy vehicles, while I'm pimpin'. I think to myself, I can't wait til he figures out how hydraulics work, then it's ON !!

I have one hand on the wheel, the other on my right leg so I can tap as needed with the music. It doesn't take long for me to run through Lady GaGa, Adele, and Miranda Lambert...all three of which sound EXACTLY like ME. I switch to one of my favorite hip hop stations where Ludacris is already slangin' some rhymes...and I join him. Before you know it, I'm bouncin' around singing My Chick Bad, My Chick Hood and for a second, I actually think I'm Ludacris, because I'm pimpin'. Is that normal? Most people don't know I bust domes and sit on chromes with some of the baddest rappers around! I lose a small sense of reality as we bump our way into Birmingham. My kid has ignored me the whole hour and a half as he's been in deep construction with his latest invention.

We finish our errands soon and head all the way back towards home and I slowly get back into character. With my son by my side, I beat my right leg til it throbbed so I then reached over and began slapping his leg to give mine a rest. The music was good and I had to keep with the beat somehow. The more he tried to convince me that I DO NOT SOUND LIKE BEYONCE, the more I tried to sound like Beyonce "sucks to be you right now"...

I tried a little Ram Jam "Black Betty", I tried REO Speedwagon, AC/DC and Joe Walsh, even the Zac Brown Band and they all ended the same...a pimpin' white mom who thinks she's cool with oversized shades in a car full of toys and booster seats...ugh, if I only had those hydraulics!!

...coming soon to a car near you! And yes, I have been busted by friends in Birmingham before who pulled up beside me during one of my performances, called me on the phone, and we sat there laughing at a red light...

Top 3 Things I Can't Take Back

I have lots of things I'd probably like to take back but here's my top three that have affected me recently.

1. I can't take back that brownie that I just ate or the ones I ate earlier today. I blame Little Debbie. Darn salesmen, putting them at the end of aisles knowing I don't go down every one, but I seem to FIND the chocolate and walnut deliciousness.
2. I can't take back that mile I put in on the treadmill this morning. I did it at a steep incline, hoping to do a couple more before I broke a really good sweat but I got peer pressured and bullied into going to Lady F's aerobics class. I cursed the mile the whole hour as I clung to life-but barely, needing that energy back just to finish class. When I did finish, I looked like I needed medical attention since my face was so red and wet. It looked like I'd been scorched with hot water...but I'm ok.
3. I also can't take back that dream I had this morning. I woke in cold sweats thinking I was pregnant. I apparently was about 13 months pregnant by the looks of me and kept walking around lifting my shirt so people could see the baby move. You could actually see the nose, lips, eyes, everything as it pressed hard against my stomach. But good thing I woke up in time. I sure don't want to give birth at all to a 4 month old ! No telling how much that would weigh!

Whew, and that was just today. I do have growing concerns as I find myself walking around asking people "What am I doing?" I leave the dishwasher door open to remind me that I intend on emptying it after I finish the laundry, and that helps. My children leave me notes to remind me of things they want me to see, that I miss on our drives to school. And I've recently poured a cup of coffee twice. I poured once, put sugar in and poured again, coffee all in the kitchen floor....but that will surprise no one I'm sure!

Camel Cricket Toe

With my heart's rapid beat, I slowly opened the back door. I must have peered at that back yard for two minutes, making sure he had not come back. The only thing that separated me and my clothes line was the dew covered grass, not a snake in sight.

I knew I had to do it. With basket in hand, I put my feet in onto the concrete patio and closed the door behind me. If I saw him now, I'd have to jump onto the chain link fence and pray it would hold me off the ground.

My confidence grew and I was soon at my clothes line. One shirt after the other, I hung my laundry to dry. As the basket quickly emptied, I outstretched my arms to hang the last garment. With visions of "Pet Sematary" in my mind, only instead of a crazed rabid dog on the other side of the sheets, I imagined a king cobra with a large muscular outstretched neck ready to kill me at any minute, I quickly tried to finish.

As the last pin was clipped securely on the Alabama tee my husband wore yesterday, it happened. In less than a second the snake's fangs sunk into my foot's flesh and I felt my heart fall out of my chest. In the heat of the moment and pure reflex, my foot flew up in the air and slammed down on the ground and for a second, I was sure my toe was broken (again). However when I looked down, all I saw was a dirt covered toe with red peeking through the mud. My blood colored polish was barely visible through the soil but no snake could be seen. That wasn't a snake at all. It was a camel cricket. He'd decided to hop on my toe and had no idea how close he came to death this morning. Relieved my toe wasn't broken and that my heart continued to beat, I went inside and wondered how long I'd be suffering the snake aftermath.

Cup Size

Listen, I've tried to keep my kids as little as possible for as long as possible. So much so that I've even held onto to the baby fat I gained during pregnancy. My kids are now 7 and 10. It's time to get over it don't ya think?

I opened the cabinet this morning and realized we are still using tiny plastic dishes we've had FOR YEARS. I'm ridding our kitchen of these tiny things today (I'll hang on to maybe one or two) and we are moving them up to the adult dishes. They use the adult dishes for the most part anyway so it's just ME...I'm the one who needed to hang on to these plastic cups...and I'm letting go...they aren't big enough anyway!

Please Don't Come in Wildly...

We are doing our best to ensure our children turn out as nutty as we are. It looks like all the hard work is paying off. We awoke to yet another note from the 10 year old. It states...

Please don't come in wildly be calm cuz I want you to open the door, look at the picture card I made (I just put them by each other and made a pic) Put the 3D glasses on! Pic is by cardboard fence don't touch!!

...and he has an arrow pointing to the glasses he's propped behind the door knob.

Congratulations. We never know what we'll wake up to. The child needs to work third shift for sure when he gets older. He gets 'busy' after we go to bed at 8:30 pm and works on his projects for like an hour or so before he too collapses. It's unclear how he pulled his chain around front and rigged a screwdriver to gently hold a flashlight...or even why? But he knows the rule of not locking your bedroom doors at night (my children are deaf so this is an essential rule!)
We are also pretty convinced he's gonna be OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) just like my sister who counts words on her fingers and my dad who is very clock oriented.

Either way, he's a fun little guy to watch and at this point he prefers the number five over four, he gets very irritated if things are by fours not fives and he's almost always needed things to be in patterns. So we wonder what will come next?!?! My sister is gracious enough to explain things I don't understand, like what goes through the brain that makes a person take a certain amount of steps into a building or repeat sentences in your head until they end on a 5th or 10th finger....

He's Still Workin' on Me

When I get a chance, I'll start another blog for all my church stories, apparently, Imma need one...

I adore the church we visit. I feel so happy once I leave there even if I've spent most of the service in tears. I listen to people speak about their lives, people I've never met before, but the passion that comes from their heart that ultimately breaks their speech apart as they fight back tears, is so moving. I needed church today. I'm weak. I'm physically weak from the hard labors of completely re-doing our home inside and I'm emotionally weak from the strains this puts on us as a family but hopefully we will finish and all be able to rest, relax, and enjoy our neat and nice home.

I have prayed more this last week than I think I ever have before. There are certain qualities I struggle to possess at times such as patience and He has got me through a really tough week. I LOVE that when I show up to church, the preacher gets on his knees, he cries his eyes out and admits, he don't have certain qualities either. I watched three little girls sing a song about how He is still workin' on them, and I cried. I left there with the assurance I needed. He's Still Workin' on Me...I'm so glad He is.

Deep Thoughts from the Blakely Kids

We had about a 40 minute drive to the Dentist this morning and the kids were being soooo good I was anticipating a complete riot at any moment. I try to encourage independence and give the kids some breathing room so while they are in the backseat of the car not bothering me, I totally ignore them I listen to their hilarious interesting perspectives on life in general.

Brook began by asking if I would give them their battery chargers for their processors (hearing devices) when they get big and move out. She then starting telling Gage she HAD to marry someone who could hear. She said, "Babies cry at night and I won't be sleeping with my implants on so he'll have to do all that!" Gage replied, "I'm not getting married. I'm gonna be too busy. And I'm not having kids, it's too much responsibility! You have to feed 'em and all that. They cost too much money and I'm bored just thinking about it!"

Brook said she was definitely having kids! "I'll have to leave 'em with someone else though...like Mama 'cause I'll need a break. I'll have like 10...or maybe not that many..."

HELP ME NOW!!

She better find a good back-up sitter is all I gotta say!

The Water Slide

So my mother took me and my sister (and the little people that live with us) to the beach this weekend and someone had the great idea to take the kids to Waterville USA while we were down there. That's a huge water park/amusement park. For five hours we played, we swam, we drove go-karts, we traveled the Lazy River...

At some point in my delusional-heat stroke kinda mentality-I look over at my sister and point to these big (non-kiddie) water slides and say "Hey, if any of the kids wanna go down those, I'll take 'em...or you can if you want." She looked at me like I'd just slapped her kid and she proceeded to cuss me out. I guess she didn't wanna go (she's even more scared than I am of heights!)

Okay, I can do this. I opened my mouth and asked this question..."Hey, who wants to go on those big water slides?" My son wasn't interested at all but two little girls, ages 6 and 7 excitedly say "I wanna go, I wanna go." So we went.

The first deck leading up to the slides wasn't that bad. At this point we were only about 20 feet in the air. As we waited in line, we chatted about which slide we wanted to go down. They had three different colors leading down and we all picked a different color so we could go down at the same time. Then we went up the next set of steps and I felt weak. Don't look down, don't look down, keep talking to the kids, distraction distraction DISTRACTION!!

My knees were weakened by the altitude and all I could think was, "Do it for the chill-ren! Do it for the chill-ren!" Someone bumped into me and the two inches I moved seemed to have me falling 50 feet down in my mind. My back tingled as my mind accepted the fact that I was gonna fall to a sure splat. If anyone else bumps me, I may throw up.

The kids were waiting quietly at this point as we neared the next set of steps, the final set...I wanted to ask if either of them had changed their minds but said nothing. Saliva ran down into my mouth and I fought hard to make it up those final steps with my hands and knees shaking. The kids walked over to their slides, as I did mine and we waited for the cue to go down. The lifeguard watched over the edge and now that I can't see the bottom, it isn't so bad.

She gave us the thumbs up, and I saw both girls go down so I had to GO! I hopped in my slide and I started laughing. I have a nervous laughter that begins when I'm on scary rides such as a 4-D movie theater when you sit in a seat and feel like you are IN the movie! I knew this laughter wasn't a good sign. It's almost like one of those evil scary movies when the killer has been caught and is about to die, but all he can do is laugh out loud! Very weird I know but I usually laugh until tears start rolling from my eyes. I'm laughing and screaming "Oh [insert un ugly word of your choice] Oh [insert an ugly word of your choice]" as my body is shooting down this RACE TRACK at speeds I never imagined. I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm throwing legs up, arms up, I didn't care who can see me from above, logic told me to grab on to the sides and I will slow down!!" But I could not. It was so slippery and my only option was to reach the bottom at speeds I can't control. I'm sliding, and turning so fast, I can't see what's coming up around each corner, will I go up or down, sideways, and WOOOSH. The end. I didn't even have time to hold my breath as the water shot straight up through my nostrils and punctured my brain. I'm confused, I'm still laughing and I feel exposed. I try to pull around on my swimsuit to make sure if anything was OUT THERE, it would be covered as soon as possible.

Anything that was hanging out at top was okay now so I step over the edge of the slide, see the girls doing the same and I breathe from my mouth and reach around to the back and try to cover what's back there. I don't feel my suit but I knew I was wearing a one-piece when I got on the slide so I find it hard to believe it all came off. I finally found the suit which had been transformed at the end of the slide to a thong and we are all okay.

I tell the girls as I gasp for air and stumble around that "I didn't like that at all. I was horrified!" My sister's child looked up at me and with chubby cheeks said, "Val, I wanna go down the pink one!" So with that, we all walked right back over to the steps, and began our climb to the top.

I am wearing a scab on my elbow from the frantic fight I put up on my way down trying to grab on to something...anything. I will forever laugh now when I see a water slide.

Sorry Mista Ossifer

A friend's Facebook status reminded me of this story...sigh.

One day, a few years ago, I had went to town as I always did on Saturday mornings to see my family. Now I grew up in this town, and had moved just outside the city limits when marriage and children led me in that direction. But I assure you, some of the same (now older) cops still remained on patrol. Nothing against cops, many of my school-mates were now cops and several had and do still serve on this force. THANK YOU! Most of you do an excellent job!

However, on this random Saturday, I drove my mini-MAMA-van thru this small town. Kids were screaming, probably fighting, and all I had on my mind was getting to my Mom's house so she could deal with them for a while. I needed a break. In my crazed desperation, I payed no attention to my speedometer. BIG MISTAKE!

Before I knew I knew, I was driving up a small hill and when I reached to top, there he was. He was heading in the opposite direction of me...and the lights came on. He must have been extremely busy that day because he stopped me right there atop the hill. We both remained in our vehicles and he rolled his window down, as I did mine. The kids got quiet and he spoke...

"SLOW IT DOWN!" I admit I was a little taken back, but before I knew it my mouth opened and words came out..."Geee, how fast was I going?" I said in my best smarty pants voice. Remember, I was in desperate need of a break and well, I didn't need any attitude from anyone else...he just caught me at a bad time.

With visions of seeing myself on the next episode of Cops, I heard him answer, "35!!!!!!!! Slow it down! Consider this your FREEBIE"

I was borderline laughing that I had been pulled over for going 35 mph but continuing my smarty pants remarks despite the Angel on my shoulder trying to advise me to let it go...I said, "Wow, 35? I am so sorry! What is the speed limit?" as I looked with obvious intentions to prove there was no sign anywhere, he replied "It's 25 right here, just slow it down!"

I looked at him and slowly spoke with confusion "ooookayyyyyy, thank you." And I now I always enjoy telling that story...."Oh yea, well I got pulled over going 35!" lol

Because we are the Blakelys, and that's how we roll...

I have to admit, I need one off-day a week...while everyone else is away at work/school...just to catch-up and mentally process the days that passed. If you have ever met us, you know we are some crazy people up in hurr! Mama needs some time to write out all the insanity so that when I do lose it for real, someone can remind me all the glorious things that led up to my mental deficit.

My kids...love 'em love 'em love 'em...but I've had to learn to laugh-off many incidences that would have really sent a normal person over the edge. Like when Brook wrote Gage's name on the bathroom wall...how did we know it was her? She used her own pink fingernail polish! Yep...I'm still waiting for the laugh on that one...let's move on.

What about all the random quotes my kids' (ahem, GAGE) gives faculty at school? ESPECIALLY when I'm around...remember I do work there part-time as a sub too, so they are MY CO-WORKERS!! It's a wonder any of them even call me to work-as nutty as my kids make me look! The most random quote ever that wins the blue ribbon is when my kids jump out of the car and before they could shut the door, they tell the Assistant-Principal that I WANT TO DANCE FOR HIM!!! Most random thing ever!! Now-here's where that came from...

I always try to embarrass my kids as much as possible-as you can see, the little rats deserve it! So this particular morning, I said that when we pull up at school, I was gonna start dancing in the car to embarrass them in front of their friends...
The only thing I could possibly do after he told the man this random information, is shake my head and drive-off, I couldn't hold up the car line just to get myself outta that mess! So from now on, when my kids tell you something completely off the wall just remember, we are the Blakelys...and that's how we roll...

I'm going to sleep in the car line

Went to The Gym and saw Lady F. I've decided what I experience in her class is sort of like hypothermia...only I'm about 10 degrees hotter than necessary for the condition. My body must be confused on how to handle such vigorous activity that it doesn't see outside of that gym, and it begins to shut down. Just the thought of going into that room, makes my bladder malfunction. I always make one last run to the restroom for that 'just in case' last attempt so that if I do faint, rip something, or die, they'll be less to drain all over myself in front of people. Then, after the 5 min. warm-up, my body has to make decisions...which parts are most valuable RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW? So my brain immediately shuts down 75%, in order to keep the vital limbs in action. Kinda opposite of hypothermia I guess. I watch myself move around the step at an alarming high speed, do lunges, repeaters, squats, chest presses, biceps, triceps, etc. etc. Shutting down part of my brain allows me to keep participating physically, but exiting mentally. But I was able to do most of what she ordered us to do, at least. And I must say, my 'hangy-down-thangs" are a lot less hangy...according to my daughter who describes my triceps in her adorable 7 year old kinda way. She is for sale.

I am tired and drowsy. I've exerted myself and now I need a nap, but instead it's time for me to go get in the car line at school. With the warm sun shining down, I know how cozy and comfortable it will be in my car. I plan to nap. Only wake me if I am holding up the car line, or my if my mouth is hanging wide open...otherwise, I'll wake myself soon enough by the unscheduled head doddle or the unexpected moan which I tend to do as I drift in and out of consiousness. But please feel free to give me that courtesy honk or a gentle tap on the window if I do begin to hold up the car line traffic. Thanks!

The Digit

Tomorrow I will wake and change my age by one digit. Back (a few years ago) when I was 29, I had no idea what kind of changes age would bring. Prior to that, it had only been good things, like wisdom, more family members, some pep to my step. Now, post 30, each year has added a variety of changes, which are not always welcomed and some things even have me wondering if I'm transforming to a man...

• at 31 I began grunting-now it's less awkward since it's part of all my routine activities and now I've been grunting for years-pick up a kid (insert grunt), pick up a pencil (insert grunt)
• at 32 I had to start warming up my body in the mornings before I could have full access-walking hunched over from the bed to bathroom for example holding my back (til it gets warmed up) has helped a lot
• at 33 I was called a grandmother in a check-out line. I got contacts and I do not look younger. I've not been back to that store.
• at 34 I decided to ditch the minivan in a hopeless attempt to restore my youth with a cooler ride...a 4 door sedan. I am still uncool-ask my kids!
• at 35 I woke up one day and discovered I had a beard. As I put on my make-up next to a window with all that beautiful natural sunlight shining upon my face-I saw that I had blonde hair that was thickening each and every day. I haven't sat in the sunlight since.

So when I wake at 36 years old in the morning, I can't help but wonder what THE DIGIT will bring me? Will I find a stray nose hair that I actually need to clip? Will I need to start coloring my hair or better yet, need bifocals? Maybe the high blood pressure news I got last week will be all the bad news I get this digit. We shall see what THE DIGIT has in store for me!!

7 things you need to know about me!

My friend recently gave me a blog award (thanks Amy) and sorry, I don't have 15 new blogs that I read to list for you, I barely have time for 100+ I read at any given random time (my Deaf Village duties) however, I did think of the 7 things you need to know!

1. My birthday is in exactly 1 month. Last year, on my 35th birthday, I woke up with a beard. I can only imagine what beauty enhancements 36 brings.
2. My kids are the most hilarious people I've ever met. My husband and I are thankful we have such cheap entertainment, we rarely even watch TV because we might miss something.
3. My 7 year old learned 'the F word' yesterday at school. She hasn't found out what that means but she's fully aware that you can't go around saying "I am just so...F word!!" at least now she does. (keep praying for me)
4. I have anxiety at times-many people do...but just like my sweet precious grandmother always did, I shake uncontrollably when it hits me severely. I can't control it and it almost always falls when my son is very ill or fighting some medical battle or of the like. Very few people have seen it and to watch me try to speak through chattering teeth and a shaking mandible is a sight I'm sure. It comes suddenly and goes away after I've given myself a looong talk which is also disturbing I know. If you want to read a story I wrote about my grandmother years ago called MawMaw's Miracle click here.
5. I love creating things on my computer. From writing stories, to writing spreadsheets full of formulas to creating online surveys, it just appeals to me. It takes a lot of time which is one reason I like getting up at 345 am. I have a few hours before the kids wake because once they are up, my computer time is almost non-existent.
6. Because I wake so early in the morning, I am a MONSTER by 8 pm. I usually try to get at least one kid in bed about 7:30 (she's an early bird like me) to spare her from the disaster of a mom she doesn't need to experience. The other kid watches TV quietly and doesn't make a peep. On weekends I let my hair down and often stay awake til 9 and then sleep in til like 4:30 or some other crazy hour! I'm a real wild one I know.
7. I wash clothes every single day, even if I am throwing up with a virus. I can't stand to have laundry pile up. Whether it's linens, blankets, clothes, it doesn't matter. I usually have 2 loads washed, dried and folded by the time the kids wake up every morning. I am a weirdo I know.

a cussin'...

I'm just gonna be honest...certain inappropriate words enter my brain at random and it usually occurs when I'm trying to lift weights at 5 in the morning. But I do my best to hold them in my brain, grit my teeth, squeeze my 6 lb dumbbells and just hope that no one can read them off my lips should they accidentally take flight from the old noggin. Class begins at 5:15am, and it is usually packed out for the hour long class. I know most of the people in there and no one cares if you have on make up or if you have a unibrow (someone should have told me about that but I took care of it). 

I had been sweating for hours it seemed when I found myself pressing my teeth together, half way wanting to bite my tongue so that the sight of dripping blood might, just might get me out of class early. I felt sure that it should be within that last ten minutes of class but one look at the clock and I realized, I wasn't even half way there. DERN ! "Bee" caught me and said, "Val, are you watching the clock?" and I responded in my head, "Hellz-to-da-yea, I wanna make it out alive woman!" But I only verbally spoke "Yes, I am!" and besides, some instructors can't tell time and will run over their allotted time because they don't see tears yet....so lots of times, I'll make an obvious turn around to the clock to draw their attention to it, so they realize they are cutting it close. That happens to not be the case this time. About the time, I had the Elvis lip where one side of the top corner of your mouth involuntarily draws upward, I heard someone shout out "$h**" and drop their weights...it may have been Guest Blogger Brett, but it could have been someone else that was reading my mind...I almost laughed out loud though.

Mr friend "Kitten" came to rescue. When she thought we were wrapping up the 2,354 reps of abs, she jerked her stuff up and started putting her things away. I followed suit. They were down to their last 2 minutes anyway and I really needed to get home and get ready for work. Now, I must endure spin class in the wee hours of the morning and hope the Aleve will keep me moving over the next couple of days. I have been so busy I've been a blog neglector I guess, but hopefully I'll be back on track soon.