Monday, September 27, 2010

In which I get inducted to the Looney Hall of Fame

Oh what a weekend...
I began my Friday with a quick workout from Lady F who seeks to torture poor fat stay at home moms whips people into shape and enjoys nothing more than to hear moans and groans from her victims class. This means she's doing her job and doing it well. I knew I had to strap into a car for six hours following the workout and shower and drive my kids and my mother to Gulf Shores. We decided to make a mini vacation out of the PEEPs in the Park event, which I am blessed to be a part of. My fear was that after this horrendous extremely fast paced workout, I would not be able to move or even function the entire weekend...luckily I was wrong. Didn't even get sore! YAY.

I'm always leery driving my mother's car, because it's not mine I've already hit a deer in picturing me, my mother and my two screaming kids lovely children just made me want to hop on a plane and fly there instead, make it a 30 minute trip instead. Not an option, and besides my kids turned out to be Angels for once. I'm also leery of her car because you can drive it with no key. Weird.

All was going well until I step off the elevator and see that the hallway has a striking resemblance to The Shining. I swear I could hear a little boy on a Big Wheel coming down the hall yelling "Redrum, Redrum!!" Freaky.
Then I take my kids out to the pool where some of the pool rules had me doing a double take. I did take a picture but unfortunately you can't read it, not a good shot. But I'll just tell you what it said, "No Sh*tting" was probably the most shocking along w/advice on adultery and much more. Perfect for my 9 and 6 year old who both read very well, lucky they did not see it.

We headed out to our PEEPs event the morning after we arrived only to find out along the way I was allergic to something...? I sneezed 387 times in the car while driving the hour to the event and then for the 2 hours we were there, I sneezed an additional 245 times. I could barely even talk to the families. So pathetic. But hey, it was gorgeous there and the kids loved it.

We went out to eat with our audiologist and her family who attended the event after we all had spent the remainder of the day on the beach. This is when I discovered I had lost Mother's smart key to her car. Fabulous! Luckily she had another but the darn thing was in my purse pocket one minute and gone the if it had grown legs and walked off. We searched and searched, called the restaurant twelve times to see if they'd found it...nothing.

Then we drove in the absolute downpours and torrential rains Alabama offered us on Sunday's trip home. I had to drive 40 on the interstate w/my flashers on, couldn't see a thing. But hey, that's just a day in the life of a nut.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Conversations of the day...

Sometimes I find it hard to believe I actually take part in many of these conversations each day...

This morning I had to send a text to my husband..."do something w the dead bird on garbage can when u get home" ... and I'm sure the cat likely polished it off before he could make it home, however, my children found the helpless bird before school, placed it on the plastic grave and adorned it w/tiny purple flowers as any proper bird grave would have....
Stressful day at school but soooo worth it all (read on)...
One kid says to me, "Did my Mama give you permission to whoop me?" and I always heed caution when I hear things like this before the bell even if he's warning me, he's gonna push my buttons today...he did end up in isolation (desk by himself) before my time was up in that class *grin*

Didn't even get a lunch today because I pulled double duty, working 2 half days for different teachers. Upper grade first who was going to lunch when my shift ended and lower grade who had already eaten when I began...HOWEVER I got to enjoy 2 P.E.s today so I ate during one of those.

Went to my next class and as they returned from P.E. one child has a small scrape under his eye where he tripped and fell while gone, he was fine but wanted to go look at it so I let him. He came back and was telling me it was stinging and I suggested he tell his family when he got home (it had been looked at already by proper personnel) , "They may have something to put on it." In deep thought he says, " Clorox?" and I immediately say, "No, no, something safe, ask an adult at home, they can find something, never try to put medicine on it yourself okay?" and he agreed to ask for help!

Same class, I say "Get out your Science books" and one kid goes, "Bigguns?" (they have big books and smaller workbooks)  and I say "Yes, get the bigguns out." And no one thought anything of it. *smile*

Same class, one kid, out of the blue walks up to me w/his cute big ears and opens his mouth which was completely blank up front, top and bottom and silver as far back as I could see. Adorable child says to me, "You know how I lost this tooth? I went to the doctors, it was bleeding when I washed it...I ain't gonna brush it for another week or two weeks." I smile, something I always do when I'm thinking of the proper response. He turned back to me and smiled, "And I'm glad you're one of our teachers."

Same class, same kid ten minutes before school got out. Other kids were packing up their desks for the end of day, cleaning the trash off the floor and my little sweetheart came up to me in tears holding his unfinished paper and said, "I'm very frustrated!" and he wipes away a tear. I had previously given them diction where I say some words and they write them down and then a final short sentence to try and write. Others were finished and turning in papers and Mr. Frustrated didn't hear the last section I called out. I smiled and took his paper and asked him to sit beside me. I assured him I was very frustrated as well, the kids were getting too loud and he quit crying when he found out I was also frustrated. I threatened the others with conduct checkmarks quietened the children and we finished his paper. He was happy. Bell rang and I got the usual hugs from a couple of girls but nothing more special than when that little boy turned around again, gums gleaming through his lips, and said, "Whew, thank you for helping teach me, I'm so glad you taught me."

and that's all I needed.........

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Journey to The Gym IV (Strobe Light Zumba)

So I've still crawled my way been going to The Gym since winning my 2 month membership on Facebook. "Lady F" is determined I die I get into shape and I both love and dread her classes, she gives me that hurt so good kinda feeling. And I'm not sure what's wrong with these people but many of them go running before class. They obviously have a high tolerance for pain or they feel like they need to be punished severely . I do mentally prep for "Lady F", though not running a few miles before I see her I take a moment before I walk out the door, I thank God for the ability to walk without pain, use the restroom without my legs shaking full of muscle spasms, and for the ability to go about my day without people asking me "Are you okay?" I then physically prepare for "Lady F" by putting my clean clothes in the bathroom so that when I get home all salty, I can go straight to the shower! I also check my supply of Aleve and smile, knowing he'll get me through the next two days. I also do any public appearance prior to "Lady F's" class, there will be no stops for bread or gasoline after she's finished with me! But I'm having a great time and I can tell a big difference already in muscle tone.

Now, on to this strobe light Zumba I did on Sunday. On Sundays at 2 they've added another Zumba, which is great 'cause guests only pay $5 to be a Gym guest for the day and they can access some of these classes. So now I know if I can't afford a full gym membership before Christmas, I can go for $5 a visit if I want. Zumba has an acquired taste for many people. The first time or two you kinda feel lost because you don't know the routines. However, they are short and the motions are repetitive so once you've done it a couple of times, you can start shakin' your tail feathers adding more of your own dance style to it and you feel less clumsy. Sunday was my second (full) Zumba class and I look forward to going back now. It doesn't really leave you sore or anything like a step class will but it's fun and it does give you a good little workout, burning lots of calories and it's a nice break from "Lady F"...whom I love dearly and hope she doesn't read this and punish me on Friday when I see her for more torture an exciting step class.
On Sunday, the instructors (pictured below) turned off the lights which was fantastic because then people couldn't see my rolls me if I made a mistake. I think the added strobe light affect really made us feel more comfortable and I saw lots of booty shakin' going on in that room let me tell ya. These ladies may be tiny but you put on some Akon or Beyonce and woop woop, it's like a belly dancer gettin' her shake on! Tassels flying and all I could think is...I want tassels! However, right at this moment any extension to my rear end would appear to be just a warning sign to other pedestrians that I have an extended load so I'll wait on the tassels. I'm beginning to really like Zumba and look forward to going back, it's like getting together with a group of gals and just dancing for fun only without any mixed drinks full of courage. So if you're in my area, don't be afraid, it's just Christie the Zumba Queen, she won't bite, she won't laugh and neither will anyone else because you have to keep your eyes on her at all times so have no fear, try it out for yourself.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Journey to The Gym III (in which I cry)

read part one here

read part two here

Once again, I forgot to get someone to take a picture of me, but I'll make it a priority next time! It's hard to remember things like that when you're concerned you'll need a heart transplant after the hour long aerobics class is over. This was my first full hour class and I was concerned since the room full of skinny girls had low steps. I wondered why no one had them stacked up 3 levels high and now I know the answer! The other girls/ladies said that this instructor was tough and I assured them I would work at my own remedial pace and I laughed it off.

In walked the very fit and tiny instructor, we'll call her Lady F. It didn't take me long to realize that her tiny frame was only a disguise because she was packing muscle and energy like an ultimate fighter in a UFC championship. I also knew I was in trouble when I began having an outer body experience. I could see myself move in the mirror but had no awareness of even being there. I began having conversations with myself in my head, saying things like, "If you pass out, it will be fine! They'll call for help, no worries." Disturbing I know!

By the end of class, all I could offer Lady F was a smile as if to say, "Do you have any idea what I'm gonna say about you when I get home Lady?  Thanks, that was fun!" lol, and I walked out the door. I felt hungry and nauseous for the 20 min ride home, not sure if my eye balls were sweating or if that was an actual tear. Was that boot camp? Was I gonna throw up?

Once I got in my drive way, I pulled in the shade and conversed w/myself again. "It's already 10, I have to pick up the kids in a few hours, I can just sit right here. I wasn't sure how I would get into the house w/out a walker, but that's okay, I like my's nice and cozy, I can rest for a while.

I eventually did make it inside, because I was still famished. I had a Lean Cuisine today. The last thing I wanna do is put something into my mouth that I have to carry on my hips during these workouts....seriously need to lighten my load here! I headed straight for the shower when I noticed I was soaked, and freezing, chill bumps all over from my body trying to regulate my temp again. Now, I think w/ibuprofen and continuing my workouts, I'll survive...but all those lunges & squats I can barely walk & I'm wondering if I can pee standing up? Gonna be hard getting up and down for a couple of days!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Journey to The Gym II

to catch up and read part one click here

Today's episode of Val's Journey to The Gym is brought to by Aesop's fable "The Tortoise & the Hare" . Since my first visit the the local gym last week (I won a 2 mos free membership) I have walked through the doors two more times.
I haven't had any more aerobic classes yet but I've been to check out the machines instead.

I decided to go in on Sat. so that if I pressed wrong buttons, set off some kind of alarm w/flashing lights or worse, not even be able to turn one on to use, there would be less eyes to witness such incompetence. I was assured they are simple to use and require no skill, and this was true! I am no longer intimidated by the machines!! I do stay away from the stepper machines, or anything else that makes your booty *outstanding* literally because I could seriously waitress both backwards and forwards w/mine, carrying trays and no spills.I have found out that I am a machine hopper. I LOVE the one called a Crossramp, after 10-15 min on that I jump over to a treadmill for a few, then on to something else.

Today, I had just finished my first go w/the Crossramp and intended to do treadmill for ten minuets or so and go back for more Crossramp, and I was already sweating bullets. I noticed an older lady (above 60) start the machine next to me. I continued to watch the tv, and after a couple of minutes, I notice the older lady out doing me! Now, I felt like the tortoise and she was the hare walking circles around me and quick! I looked down and saw I was going negative 2 miles an hour pretty slow so I sped up! I was then going her speed and hoped she would tire out soon, she was hard to compete against keep up with. I did manage to get back to my favorite Crossramp and even did a leg machine! I can't wait to back in an aerobic class or two again this week. I'm having a fabulous time at The Gym.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Journey to The Gym I

I was very excited to find out this week that I had won a Facebook contest from a local health/fitness center called The Gym. So I (and my 2 free months) walked thru those doors last night weighted down with m & m's, Mtn. Dew, chips, you name it...only I couldn't set these items down to lighten my load, they would have to be removed by actual physical activity which I've not publically done in almost a decade. I had first looked for classes offering things of interest to me such as Peanut Butter Crunch Class, Miller Lite Cycling or Choco-lates a very attractive sounding Pilates...but I saw nothing of the sort, shoot! Looks like everything down there was designed to make you healthier, reduce stress, reduce blood pressure, and hopefully reduce body mass so I can get rid of whatever that is on the side of my hips that wasn't there 10 years ago. Perfect, I need all of that, so I decide to go to my sister's class first. She was teaching a 30 min cardio-step class and I figured I could survive at least fake it for 30 min. Luckily she's a better instructor than she is photographer! I wanted to bolt for the door while I still have a chance, and my life, since I feared an oncoming heart attack but my sister seemed to stand 7 feet tall last night, and I knew I would never get past her. I claimed a back row spot, didn't elevate my step too high and it was ON! The minute I heard Ton Loc and Funky Cold Medina it all came back to me. I'm not much of a sweater but honestly, I had sweat in my ear when it was over!

I even got roped into staying for part of a Zumba class. My sister was like, "Just stay! Just stay!" and then she walks out, leaving me there so she can go teach an hour of spin class! What's wrong w/these people!?! I did have to get home to make sure kids did their homework, took baths, and to make sure I could shower and get to bed by 8, I knew my body would be in need of rest and repair. I did watch enough of Zumba to know I'm missing some vital parts needed to do it, or they are simply hidden deep within, underneath my winter coat of lard I wear year round. I did however find the dancing worth trying again and hope to try out one of sister-in-law's classes once her injury heals since she is a certified Zumba instructor.

The morning after...
Well, not too bad, so far. I kinda feel like the worst is yet to come. I did feel a muscle in my stomach I haven't felt since the last time a had stomach virus and used it to upchuck for a few days. I do feel some tightness in my arms, butt, legs,, okay, so I need some ibuprofen in order to keep up w/the group of 1st graders I plan to teach today. But man, so glad I have an opportunity to go. I will go again next week as much as possible and get someone else to take my picture, lol  and hopefully I'll be able to withstand the full hour classes by then. That gym has a lot to offer, and I may even sneak in this weekend sometime and use one of the machines like a treadmill or something! You should have seen the folks getting their workout on and watching the news! I could do that!! More to come next week on my Journey to The Gym.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Blount County Education Examiner

So I passed a few weeks ago on the idea of having a 3rd Examiner title but due to the toll of regret which is keeping me up at night, I've changed my mind and I've taken my final title for now. When my page is set up, it will look similar to my other two;
Etowah Co Special Needs Kids Examiner
Etowah Co Stay-at-Home Moms Examiner
You can however, go ahead and check out the Facebook page and as soon as my Examiner page is set up and the first article goes up (over the weekend) you'll be able to see it! They are still working out the kinks w/the site upgrade so hopefully I'll be set soon.

Here's how it will work. I'll stay current w/all the schools located w/in the borders of Blount Co Alabama via websites and word of mouth, etc. Any of you who are directly affiliated w/fundraisers, events, sports, pageants, awards, PTO, etc. can send me pics or info and I'll gladly post them as soon as possible. I want to help you get the word out about your fantastic kids, what's going on in the schools today. Even if you are unsure if it is school related, go ahead and send it in, I have my ways of making things fit! It can be Oneonta City School or preschool, or Blount Co Schools, all education w/in the county, even adult ed classes will qualify!

I'm very excited about this topic since I went to school inside Blount County at Oneonta City School so feel free to email me (see Facebook for address) and tell your family and friends so they can stay current on school activities as well. I imagine w/the passion I have for the subject and the numerous story ideas, we will keep this topic quite active. Looking forward to writing for you! I will post the site and first article soon!!