Sitting with the devil

I'm not sure why I showed up for the Kindergarten Orientation yesterday...but something told me I needed to wear a bra and make-up. Thankfully, I did both because just moments before it started, I was told I needed to stand and speak. You gotta love those friends that throw you out in front of moving train but I couldn't say no to their adorable faces...no wait, I did say no, and they shoved me anyway...I might put them on my watch list!!

Anyway, I was gone for most of the day, I bought groceries, ran errands but everything seemed okay when I returned home. The husband left for work and we got ready for church.

I didn't have a clue the kids were intoxicated with sugar and caffeine until we sat down on the quiet pew. Giggles erupted from them both for no apparent reason other than they have completely went nuts and laughter soon went viral. I knew I had to keep the kids quiet so I looked around at my prey options.

There he sat, alone. It was the Devil. Well, he played the Devil in our Christmas play and I knew he would be perfect! I took child number one by the hand and told him he was to sit by the Devil man until service was over. The child lucked up because a cute little girl sat next to him from his Sunday School class so he HAD to be on his best behavior! Looking forward to being with the children all day so I can control what goes in their bodies! I can guarantee it won't be chocolate and caffeine!

My Tattoo

Yes, I got a tattoo...but more on that later!

Today, we went to a local water park with our church and had a ball. I'm currently in my PJs drinking chocolate milk and waiting until at least sunset before I collapse for the night...if I actually get to sleep. You see, there's this thing...with my back. Oh, I'm not injured...how do I put it?

I guess I should have known something was wrong when every time I walked toward someone their lower jaw fell downward pulling their upper and lower eyelids as far apart as they could go. Some were compassionate enough to say, "Oh, you are red!!" But they were wrong. I'm not so much red...I'd say I'm half past magenta or a deep, dark firebrick...which is at least three stages past red. Oh yea! And I was wearing 50 SPF. Apparently it wasn't the best at being waterproof...now ya tell me, as I sit shivering in my recliner trying to keep my skin from actually boiling. It hurts.

And that's not the best part! I told you how people reacted as I walked toward them, now let me tell you what happened as I walked past people. I knew I was burned, I felt it. Strangers tried to look away but after I would pass, chuckles were emitting from all directions. Wow, they sure are having a good time, I thought. But as the day went on, I noticed it was every time I walked past someone. Finally, someone from my group pulled me aside and said, "Um, well, you have a hand print on your back,"(after they had laughed hysterically). That's right, the little girl who will remain nameless, that nearly gagged when I asked to rub lotion on my back, didn't do so hot (where is all the good free help these days)!! Apparently, I have a new tattoo!

But the way I look at it, surely it embarrassed her enough to be seen with the lady with hand tattoo on her back, that she'll do better next time. Let's hope so. Hopefully, I'll be able to wear a bra in a few days (yikes) and my second degree burns will heal quickly.

Old Lady Shoes

I put on my comfortable shoes...which translates as my old lady clodhoppers. I knew we would be outnumbered but if I didn't show up, they'd all call me chicken.

I pulled up, took a deep breath, and stepped out of the car and presented myself as excited, brave, and ready. Little did they all know, I was worried sick. What if somebody pukes, or poops or runs away? That's a lot of pressure for someone in old lady shoes. I am immediately greeted by kids of all sizes and scramble to find everyone a name tag...because otherwise, they'll all have to go by Hey, or Orange Shirt, or Sweetheart. This way, I can at least mispronounce their names! What happened to the days when everyone was named Johnny, Jimmy, Betty or Linda? But no, now everyone has to be special and unique. That makes it hard on the ones wearing old lady shoes.

As I'm placing a name tag around little Chloe, or was it Ashlyn...I look up and there she was. I watched her move across the parking lot and I hoped she was heading my way. We made eye contact and her perfectly white teeth smiled in my direction. My prayers had been answered. The elementary school teacher was in my group. As children ran around us like they'd been filled with Red Bull and chocolate, she confirmed she was there to do everything for us help our group. A visible sigh of relief came across my face and I awaited my orders.

Soon, children that were as tall as my left knee formed a line. She told me to march and I did just that without question. Kids that were screaming, quietened down and all she had to do was tell them they were going to march and listen. I'm pretty sure I could have told them the same thing and they would have marched in the opposite direction and listened to each other scream louder, but they did as told, for her. I had myself a winner here.

The kids all did great. They sang, they played, they crafted, they listened and learned. No children were lost or harmed during VBS at my church. Mamas carried babies, teachers taught lessons, singers taught songs, and I wore old lady shoes.

I slept so good last night, thanks to those toddlers on Red Bull and chocolate. I love them all, and I'm so happy they had a good time. Their little smiling faces and fast feet will remain in my mind forever.

The Oscars

Here are a few pictures from our Valentines Banquet (for church) titled appropriately Night at The Oscars....So many celebs showed up from Tim McGraw, Hee Haw Gossipers, Ryan Seacrest, the Chipettes, The Supremes, Loretta Lynn.......too many to name!

They are so much fun-nutty-but fun!!! We had a great time!

Less than a minute

Never been in a play, never wanted to be in a play. However, one of my best friends needed me to fill a part for our church play she was directing, and I did it for her, because she needed me.

I only had like two lines, if you don't count all the screaming. I figured I could handle it no problem...and the screaming, with two hearing impaired kids, I've gotten REALLY good at that over the years! My character was a shopper. In real life, I despise shopping. So I had to totally get out of myself to play this role, which thrilled the hidden actress inside me. I wore my best flashy attire but had to still remain appropriate for church. I asked one of the other actresses, I mean my friend who was a shopper too, "Do you have any shopping bags for props? Mine all say Wal Mart, and for once I don't wanna shop at Wal Mart." She came through like a champ and we were all set.

She and I actually were hypocrites. We claimed to go church and do all good things but we were rude to a homeless man who wanted change and we brushed off some girls who offered us crosses while out and about. So for that, and apparently we weren't actually Saved either, we were going to Hell, we just didn't know it yet.


Now during rehearsal the Demons that came and took us away got kinda rough. One pushed and shoved me and over the course of November practices, I came to realize, they enjoyed pushing and shoving us. I tattle-taled to told my husband but then he joined the Demons and said if I needed extra practice at home he'd be glad to play the Demon role for me but I declined when I figured out he just wanted to shove me too.

So on the night of the play, I was prepared. I had practiced some kicking and fighting moves in my heels that I hoped would pay them back for the bruise on my arm look real and like I really was scared. When it came to our Judgement and we were not accepted into Heaven with the others, they came for us. I argued that I should go to Heaven instead but they wrapped their demon hands around my arm and began pulling me towards the black curtain Hell. I belted out a scream that sounded more like someone was trying to make me go on a ferris wheel. I tried not to laugh at my pathetic scream because I knew who was under the black hooded capes, I smile at them during church service but I had a job to do. The whole time they are pulling me closer and closer to Hell, I'm wondering if I've sufficiently embarrassed my husband enough yet, so I let out one last wretched cry just to be sure.


And just like that, it was over. We all went back up on stage and sang one last song. For less than a minute, I was an actress. I went back home, peeled off my fake eyelashes, washed off the three inches of make-up and returned to being me. I can't wait 'til next year. These people take their acting very seriously so I'll have to step up my game!

How To Avoid a Hangover

WOW, we had lots of partying going on this past weekend...and I find it very difficult to attend parties that don't begin at 2 p.m. and end by 5 due to being a granny my tedious schedule.

I have learned from experience that most not all parties will fit my schedule. So I've come up with ways to avoid that hangover...and no, it doesn't always require alcohol to have that hung-over feeling the next morning!

Here are the tips that helped me last weekend when I had one all-day festival followed by another party beginning at sundown and ending before midnight that same day...followed by a birthday party and another evening/night festival the very next day...WHEW.

My oldest at The Gym lock-in. They had SO MUCH FUN!! Very organized event and lots to do.

My youngest at the church festival. THEY RODE HORSES, need I say more? Big fun.

They let balloons go that said, "God loves you"

1. Start your day at 4 a.m. That just fixes everything!
2. Cook dinner as you cook breakfast so that when one party ends you can run home, eat, and your off to the next event in like one hour's time.
3. Pack a small lunch cooler with water. We live in the middle of nowhere and my kids only get thirsty in the car when there is no where or time to stop! Using a permanent marker label each water bottle with initials so that there are no transfer of sibling cooties.
4. Don't sit down. Chances are, you won't get back up. If your back gives out like me you may take small five minute breaks but sit on the edge of the seat so you don't get too comfy.
5. When you finally get home at midnight, have these already in place. They are cardboard inserts that block out all light from the outside. We shamelessly keep them under the bed and on days like this, we pull them out so the morning sun that we normally love to see, doesn't pull our eyes open until invited.

We are pathetic.

He's Still Workin' on Me

When I get a chance, I'll start another blog for all my church stories, apparently, Imma need one...

I adore the church we visit. I feel so happy once I leave there even if I've spent most of the service in tears. I listen to people speak about their lives, people I've never met before, but the passion that comes from their heart that ultimately breaks their speech apart as they fight back tears, is so moving. I needed church today. I'm weak. I'm physically weak from the hard labors of completely re-doing our home inside and I'm emotionally weak from the strains this puts on us as a family but hopefully we will finish and all be able to rest, relax, and enjoy our neat and nice home.

I have prayed more this last week than I think I ever have before. There are certain qualities I struggle to possess at times such as patience and He has got me through a really tough week. I LOVE that when I show up to church, the preacher gets on his knees, he cries his eyes out and admits, he don't have certain qualities either. I watched three little girls sing a song about how He is still workin' on them, and I cried. I left there with the assurance I needed. He's Still Workin' on Me...I'm so glad He is.

But I Don't Want To Be Deaf

Today was our first day back in church. We used to go every single Sunday but our tiny old church lost its congregation and we all went our separate ways so we have sought after a new one. My idea of church is a small country church (Baptist or Methodist) with lots of songs, a great preacher and a child-friendly congregation and atmosphere. We found it.

As we sat down on the pew, we were automatically welcomed and saw friendly smiles flash our way. Today, it was just my daughter and I and she found a classmate to sit with, I joined them. As we burst into song, I heard hands clapping, feet stomping and people patting the back of pews as we all sang. I heard just the right about of country whine in the voices from behind...it was beautiful.

The preacher had us turn to a verse in our Bibles. He read it aloud and that single verse spawned a 45 minute sermon. He stood on the piano bench, he walked down the aisle, he got down on his knees. His voice was so loud at times, I could feel it bounce from my rib cage. He was full of enthusiasm and he assured us, "This ship ain't goin' down!" He talked about WHO should be Captain of our vessels and WHO is there when the water is rough, WHO is guiding us safely and WHO leads us and WHO stays with us when we feel like we are sinking.

I actually found myself shaking my head, getting carried away with the preacher's voice. I found myself crying when the beautiful little girl (almost 4) sitting on our pew sang OUT LOUD the words to a song that I had to read from a hymn book. While visually impaired, she may never be able to see the tiny words of the book but she's already received them through her heart. As tears filled my eyes at the beautiful sight, her mom told me she loves that song and sings if all the time at home. Her little voice could be heard over all others, and I'm so glad I got to be a part of that.

On the way home, Brook asked me how God makes babies. Luckily He gave me the proper words for her 7 year old mind. She then turns to me and says, "Does God make people have syndromes?" And again, he filled my mouth with just the right words. Without hesitation, my voice slipped over lips and answered the tough question.

"Yes. Sometimes, God decides that certain babies are going to be different than His other children. He decides to make them weaker in some areas and stronger in other ways. He decided you and Gage would be deaf." She quickly interrupts, "But I don't wanna be deaf. It's hard to hear!" I reply, "But He made you extra special so you could teach others. Had you not been deaf, so many people would not have learned about hearing loss, patience and understanding. God decided your ears wouldn't work but He's made you stronger in a lot of other ways."

She understood what I was trying to tell her. She now knows that God is the Captain, He is in charge and He sails the ship.