BacK To SKooL ChEckliSt

That's right, it is BACK TO SCHOOL for the kiddos today! What people don't realize is that we who work in the school, have a list too. It might not include pencils and notebooks but we must be sure we are ready for when those doors open! Here's my list:

5.  Swimsuit ready. No I don't need to look good in a swimsuit but it must be clean, laid out and ready for me to put it on immediately when school gets out. The thought of jumping in the water after a long hard day of being Wonder Woman will soothe any first day of school!

4.  Complete preserving. The garden, the vines, the fruit trees were quite plentiful this season. All weekend I have jarred and preserved countless cans of jellies and jams. I put up corn, jarred the last of the tomatoes and we're in good shape for the school year on these items! Nothing like getting home and opening a can of "fresh" garden veggies or "fresh" fruit and being able to feed your family with all its goodness. You know exactly what's in it, and you know where it came from.

3.  Treadmill time. I don't walk mile after mile every week for any other reason than to be able to get where I'm going should I ever be confined to my feet. If my car breaks down three miles from home, I should be able to walk home if needed, and I'm confident I could do that. If 430+ kids, 50 faculty members AND one Principal give chase, I should be able to run away from them. I am confident I can run (a short distance) or at least walk swiftly to the main highway where I would call a friend to pick me up. (Hey, it's hot in Alabama right now, I do need air conditioner)

2.  Bug-out bag. My bug-out bag is in the trunk where it will remain at all times. In the bag is a change of clothes, first aid kit, water/food, and tons of other emergency supplies should the weather change quickly one day, and I get trapped at school with children. Our weather here is such a drama queen. It can be semi-warm, sun shining one day and thirty minutes later people are abandoning cars on the side of the road because an mini ice-age has frozen everything, including our mountain roads.

1.  Coffee & hymns. I love coffee and coffee mugs. I have a stockpile so that I will NOT run out and can travel with my addiction anywhere I need to go. It is imperative that I consume as much of this liquid gold each and every morning before I step foot outside. I also love church hymns. I turn the satellite radio on every morning and hear all the goodness as I prepare for my day. I will refer back to the hymns throughout my day when the phone is ringing off the hook, a child is in my office crying, or a parent is in my office crying, or a teacher is in my office crying....Unclouded Day or Farther Along can get me back to where I need to be!

Okay, I think I'm ready. When you actually work in a school, every single day can be different. There are some things you can't actually prepare for and I know this but I have my top 5 down. I'm ready for backpacks, school buses, fresh haircuts and smiling faces!

What Parents Do When Left Unattended

It is Summer, thank you Lord! It is actually HOT Summer. Which means about mid-day, the teenage boy can be found looking up guitar videos and playing extremely loud electric guitar jumping from one song to the next and we have encouraged his talent. The tween girl can be found lying on her bed playing games on her phone and mom...well, mom just realized I could disappear and nobody would even know it...so I did.

You see, when parents are left unattended, they can sometimes be found in the opposite direction of their kids. I've hid in the bathroom before, I've hid in my room...but today, no today, I hid in the swimming pool.

I quietly tiptoed through the house with my cover-up on hiding the swimsuit so nobody would know that the beach towel in my hand was leading me out the door and eventually to MY chair, my lay-out in the sun lounge chair! I was careful not to creak the door when I slipped unnoticed outside. With only my weight and age slowing me down I sprinted as fast as I could to the backyard water resort discarding the cover-up and towel as I climbed the ladder. I smiled as I jumped in creating refreshing waves which felt cool on my bare back. I looked back at the door and realized, I had done it. Nobody even knew I had left the house.

I cleaned the pool for 20 minutes getting my arm exercises in for the day. Still no one had reported me missing and I wasn't sure if I should be happy or sad about that....so I chose happy! I plopped myself up on pink pool float and grabbed up a noodle and some various pool toys, and I tossed them around, dove under to retrieve them, splashed my feet, dodged the darting June bugs and still, I was alone. I laid my head back, pulled my shades down and just floated. I must have been out there a good 45 minutes by now and still, nobody even cared.

As I lied with my eyes shut for a while drifting in and out a dream-like state, I saw a large shadow float over my closed lids. I opened my eyes, tried to focus with the noon sun blaring down on me, and there were four huge buzzards flying high over me. I realized I must have looked like a white floating corpse so I moved around, dove under the water, and just swam around in the water for a while, in the quiet country breeze.

After I had swam for well over an hour, my fingertips were wrinkled and I decided to dry out in my chair. Feeling very accomplished for my actions I picked up my phone, took a selfie to say "yep, I did that!" I was eventually found when the children needed something (didn't need me, just something). Not bad for somebody who found herself being left unattended! They should leave me alone more often!

The Chart of Emotions

You learn a lot when cleaning out your son's room. It's like sitting in a dark smelly room of history. One of the first things I found was a half coke bottle in a bag full of empty knife boxes where we had been to the Smokey Mtns 6 weeks ago!! HISTORY. I waited until he left before I attempted the overwhelming task of ridding the room of pure garbage. You see, he's almost a full-blown hoarder. He finds purpose in keeping trash....he might need the used bottle of water. I mean what if the room caught on fire and he needed to put it out quickly right?


As I walk around with my garbage sack, filling it full of unmentionables, untouchables, etc., I see something under his chest of drawers that catches my eye. It was a laminated school project I had never seen before...apparently from 7th grade (he's in 8th). At first, I smile at his chart of ...whatever. Apparently his math teacher made them draw out, and graph things in their past, both good and bad. If you look at the scoring system, the positives are in the first quadrant where the numbers are also positives. The lower end show things he didn't like...

As you may or not be able to tell, getting his Xbox, a phone, etc, ranked waaay up there while a first grade paddling, dead dog, etc, was way at the bottom. Understandable. But take a closer look...

If you look just above the neighbor dying and just below Grounded Forever....you'll see that I made his chart...terribly singing Mama???? How did that happen? And did I mention......THIS IS LAMINATED!!! Thanks guy, I appreciate it. The only thing worse than my singing is death and he'd rather be grounded forever than listen to me sing.

The Break In

It's just after 4 a.m. I heard some ladies talking in kitchen but it was hard to hear over my sleep machine which was pouring nothing but waterfalls throughout my bedroom. It must be a break-in. I saw blue tinted beams coming from flashlights. I hopped to my feet and opened my bedroom door a little wider...I had not an ounce of fear.

I saw what appeared to be a small monkey drop down from the cabinets and I realize it wasn't ladies at all but the eleven year old boys that had been camping in my yard. They were starving, and they had found food. I say, "Hey! It's four in the morning. What are y'all doing?" Together they replied in voices too loud for this hour, "We were hungry, we had to get something to eat." One said, "Hey Mama, ......" I quickly shushed the child and assure him I have no desire to get into a long drawn out story until the coffee has brewed but I made sure they had eaten enough.

Soon, one kid was scarfing down a set of Pop Tarts and didn't look near as crazy as my little guy who was drinking a bowl of cereal (who knows?). I go get dressed for the day, get my glasses so I can see and get the coffee going before I even sit down to talk to them, because I have my priorities.

When I sat down in the living room only lit by the History Channel's glow from the television screen, I asked how they slept. "We've been up for 24 hrs straight nearly!!!" Then the Pop Tart kid says to me, "I napped some when he was talking, he never knew I fell asleep." But apparently my child did NOT sleep at all and he looks at me through the tiny slits of his eyes which appear to be held open only by toothpicks, "I didn't. But I'm WIDE awake."

I told the insomniacs that they needed to lie back in those recliners, and take a little nap, even if it was for only an hour or so and believe it or not, that is what they are doing. My child's toothpicks fell out and his eyes are shut and the other one may soon drift off for a while too. I told them I'd cook a big breakfast around 7 or 8 if they took a good nap. But I have to say, they sure have had fun. They've sat by the campfire, they've talked and scared each other in the tent, and sat by the fire some more until they finally came in to watch TV. Fun times. Good thing I actually like to wake at 4 in the morning! lol

The Redneck Chronicles

In our efforts to advance further in the transition to rednecks, we (meaning my husband) has jacked up our jeep.

 All the local dogs come hang out at our house...

 ...and the kids' primary source of transportation is the 4 wheeler



Kinda like this...

Our Summer has been, kinda like this...

Going to the Dentist (on a Sunday)

So I normally trick the kids on April Fool's Day in some way...last year, I packed my son's lunch in his sister's bright pink camo lunch box with a note saying "Happy April Fool's Day", put it away in his backpack, and he had no idea until he pulled it out of his bag at school! It was awesome and I was very proud of myself...

This year, April Fool's Day fell on a Sunday and though we don't normally skip church, we had something very special planned for this day which also happens to be my birthday! With evil thoughts running in my head of what can I get away with this year...I took my ideas to my husband. We plotted and schemed and finally agreed to lie to convince the children that they were in fact going to the dentist today. Oh the horrors...

They begged, "No, please don't make us go today, we'll go later on a different dayyyyyy, pleeaazzze!" But we told them to clean up, brush their hair, scrub their teeth until their gums bleed and put on some shoes, we were LEAVING.

My oldest child decided he would wear a green t-shirt, blue shorts, white socks and church shoes. Hmmm. "You can't wear those church shoes with shorts and certainly not with white socks!!" I asked the child to go back and put on his tennis shoes but he was stubborn said he was deliberately wearing those because he HATED going to the dentist and in his mind, he was punishing the dental office because they told him last time, that he wasn't brushing good enough. As soon as we left, my husband revealed that there was no dental visit to be had on this Sunday and we were only going to Lowe's to buy some trees. They were so happy. I, the more evil of the two of us, wasn't going to reveal our dirtly little secret until much later, like when we pulled up at Lowes, but the husband has a soft heart. So we horrible parents and our two children with exceptionally well brushed teeth, walked those white socks and church shoes proudly around the store and shopped, happily together.

All day long, little people have scared the crap out of me every time I walk into another room, leave the house, exit the restroom...they've been hiding and jumping out to scare me and you'd think I'd be on guard but they are very good pranksters.  I have screamed more today than I think I did in cheerleading! Paybacks...

Continuing Education

We strive to nurture and expand our children's education outside of the school doors. Today, we work on Home-Ec...

We may be looking to bring in tutors to teach them how to cook...

Ready to Pass Out

I was absolutely ready to pass out last night. I've been taking sinus/allergy meds for several days now and they always make me sleepy anyway but on top of that, Brooklyn had her little cousin sleep over and keeping up with three kids just wore me out...even though they were "perfect" little angels.

I did approximately 9 loads of laundry yesterday, I washed sheets, blankets, comforters, throw rugs, you name it! By the time 7 o'clock bedtime rolled around, I was whipped. I crawled into my fresh, clean, deliciously smelling bed. Snuggled down and got warm, and immediately my entire body simply relaxed and I could feel myself drifting out of this world. I heard a distance and faint call from a child, "Mama." I had just put the child to bed. I'd fed her, made her brush her teeth, use the bathroom, got a sip of water, sat in the bed with her and tickle-scratched her arms til her eyes rolled back in her head. I mean what more can a child need? So I ignored her.

Ahh, I almost felt weightless as I breathed in deeply and smiled at the thought of the upcoming rest. Again I hear, "Mama." I began to get a little irritated because she's beginning to make this a habit...calling me back to tell me something like "We're having pizza at school tomorrow" or something of the like when I am already so comfy in my bed. After being rudely interrupted again, I try to visit back to that relaxing happy place I call my nightly coma when I hear a final, elevated "Mama."

Whew. I exhaled with defeat and flip the covers back and drag myself away from my most favorite, warm spot and go see what this child wants. With no glasses to see with, I squint my eyes from her bedroom door and ask, "What?" She points to her Justin Bieber poster and says, "That's a watch he's wearing."

Perfect.

A Slider

A child woke before me this morning. That doesn't work for me, so I waited. I could see his flashlight shining through the living room but waited. I heard the bathroom door shut. WHEW! Hopefully he'd go right back to bed during this five o'clock hour. I heard the door open and I held my breath. Not sure why, it's not like he'd know I wanted him to go back to bed and sleep for two hours so I could have time to myself, he thought we were all still asleep. But I saw the flashlight again, and then heard a quick pounce as he jumped into the air like a flying squirrel and landed on his mattress. And I waited.

It only took a couple of minutes before I realized I too needed the bathroom. Did I drink a gallon of water before bed? I couldn't wait any longer but how would I get past his open door without him seeing me? I walked without fear through the living room and then paused in the kitchen near his door. I saw his hearing devices on the counter so I knew he couldn't hear me, but he would see my shadow as I passed between the kitchen night-light and his room unless, of course, I crawled. That's exactly what I did and I discovered the best thing ever! How to do a slider.

I'm no stranger to crawling past the children's bedroom doors to keep then in bed where they belong but a slider is so much easier and faster. Normally I take slow, deliberate advances so there's minimal bruising to the shins and it gives my knees a chance to pop instead of break in two. But today, I looked down and I had on the perfect outfit for a slider...my new fluffy pajama pants I got for Christmas.

I could hear the child sniff, so I knew he was awake. I placed my nervous palms down on the linoleum and took a deep breath. I counted down, three, two, one and with one quick pull I was sliding fast across the floor. My bum caught on the threshold up ahead OUCH and I was in the clear. I pulled myself up with the refrigerator as my crutch and walked to the restroom as if that never happened. The only problem was could I pull it off twice? I chuckled to myself at the thought of my husband coming out to "catch me" in action but it was well worth the risk.

I had to get back, the coffee and computer was on the other side. I placed my back against the large cold appliance that had just helped me up and waited. It was gonna be harder getting back than it was going, there was the threshold and less space! This time, instead of placing my hands outward, I had to stretch out a leg. I was gonna have to spider across instead of slide. That's okay. I can "spider" I think to myself. And I did just that. I hunkered down and as quick as an adult human spider with four legs can go, I went. Whew! I rewarded myself with a cup of coffee and sat at the computer. I was home free. Five minutes later, I saw the flashlight and he came in the room and smiled at me, he smelled coffee. Perfect.

8 Years Ago

Eight years ago today I kept a promise. I promised not to mess up my doctor's Christmas if he'd, in return, GET HER OUT the morning after. On this day 8 years ago, I walked in pain into that hospital, admitted myself for surgery, and waited impatiently. The nurses took good care of me and when the doctor came in to tell me an emergency was going in ahead of me, I rolled my eyes but politely said not a word. I needed this kid out. I sat on the bed with a catheter in place and awaited my turn.

Finally, they came to get me. I sat myself up on that table and I shook uncontrollably in full body convulsions. A spinal was administered that felt like an electric current running down the right side of my body, and I jerked. Oops, but they finally got it in and it all began. With a big blue curtain now splattered with my own blood hiding my view I hear, "Hey! You can't cry, you're not even born yet!!" But she cried anyway because she is my B. She is strong, powerful, and stubborn. If you tell her she can't, she will. She's a writer and a fighter, she's a hug with some love.

Happy 8th Birthday my B! I love you!

The Slapper

7:09

That's what time I woke up this morning. In my world, this is as INSANITY...but I was out late last night. I mean, I didn't even get home until like 9:00. It had been dark for hours when we left a university we'd been visiting, and one child was teetering between this world and a dream phase as she rested her head on a our jackets.

On the way home, my son was mesmerized by all the lights, cities had on display...who knew? We are rarely out after dark! He was amazed by the street lights, the headlights, everything that darkness brought. Several towns already had Christmas decor hanging from the posts.

I did great driving. I had GPS technology pointing me in the right direction. Once I got within 30 miles of home, I started to turn it off, because I knew exactly where I was but I left it on thinking it would entertain the kids. I've traveled this road a thousand times and I saw our Exit up ahead. I took the exit and when I got to the end of the short uphill ramp, I put on my blinker. I looked at the GPS who had been correct the entire trip and it wanted me to go in the opposite direction. "Huh, look! The GPS wants me to turn that way! How weird." I began to make my turn in the direction I knew was home, and I hear a backseat driver (aka, my mother) "Hey! Where are you going?"

I was just crazy, not used to driving in the dark, and I was about to take us in the opposite direction. For once, I was thankful for backseat drivers! I would have eventually figured it out I guess but I just shouldn't be allowed out after dark...at least not more than 15 miles from home.

I might even need to borrow my son's latest invention, the Sock Slapper. He says to use the sock slapper on people who need a good slappin'.

Now, it's 8:30 a.m. the morning after, and I've not gotten dressed, I'm still drinking coffee and have no intentions of doing much of anything today...and I kinda like it. About an hour before my husband gets home from work, I'll likely jump in the shower, put on make-up, light a candle so the house smells clean, and pretend I've actually been productive today...I love Fall Break from school...and this is pretty much gonna describe my week...I hope.

Listening Therapy for Men

Some you know my children are deaf and learned to LISTEN and SPEAK with a specific type of therapy called Auditory Verbal Therapy or AVT. We spent countless hours a day hiding our speech from the children behind toys, behind hands, behind anything we could as if we had a really ugly sore on our mouths and we were on a first date or something. This just forced them to use their cochlear implants to hear what were saying rather than reading our lips.

Now, what you may not be aware of, that this specific therapy focuses on listening abilities first. If the child learns to listen well, they'll pick up speech easier. Several of these methods can help marriages also. If your spouse is having trouble hearing any of the following, you may consider some AVT. Here's some advice.

1. Your spouse has trouble hearing/understanding 2 or 3 step commands such as "Take out the trash and put a clean bag in please." Take it back a notch but supervise. If your spouse can hear the command "take out the trash" but fails to put a new bag in the can, hold up two fingers so he knows he has two tasks. Give the instructions slowly, clearly and remain near the site where instructions were given until he returns from throwing the trash away. At this point remove one digit from your hand (it's never appropriate to use the middle finger alone!) and show him he still has one task left. When he gets the new liner and places it correctly in the can, jump and cheer and give that man a big hug. He CAN follow 2 step commands. Eventually you should be able to remove yourself from the instruction phase and this task should become natural for him.
2. If your husband has trouble hearing different tones in your voice...For example, he asks what you want for your birthday and you...(pause) and begin your usual answer so full of sacrifice, so full of pain left over from the last giftless b'day "Oh, that's okay, I don't need anything." Let's say he only hears the words that you are saying not the desperation in your voice that you haven't had a gift from him in over 10 years. This can be a real problem. Take it back a notch and give him more direct instructions. Don't confuse him by expecting him to hear your tones and read your mind. Leave him no room for confusion. You may say, "I don't care if you give me a day to myself and watch the kids for a while. I've went 10 years doing without so you better make this one GOOD!" If he still gives you nothing, feel free to back step and add in visuals to help him such as evil glances or smaller portions at dinner.
3. If your man can't hear the children ask for things such as "Will you fix me cereal, I'm hungry, I need you to hand me this..." you need to leave the house for a few hours so he'll have to fix cereal, feed the little people or play games, etc. Some men have the ability to allow dogs barking outside to keep them awake at night but can't even hear their own babies cry in the room next to your's. I suppose it's the difference in pitches. Let your kids cry just a little bit longer so you are SURE the husband is awake. It doesn't mean he'll get up, so if he doesn't, you need to make sure you do this every time the child cries. The baby isn't gonna die from crying, so walk slowly.

I just thought I would share. This type of therapy has really helped us a lot over the years. My kids and husband all hear well now. We have participation from all parties who live here and we all are happier for it.

The redneck field trip

My child talks so much she has decided to have 16 kids when she grows up, just so she'll have more people to talk to. As usual, I found her out in the yard the other day...talking to her dolls kids. When I asked her what she was doing with a wheelbarrow, she replied hastily as she tried to balance it with all the kids plus a stroller loaded up..."Uh, we're on a field trip!!!"

Because I knew...

I tried to go back to sleep when my husband's alarm woke me at 2:45 this morning. For almost an hour I listened to him get ready for work, I listed to him open cabinet after cabinet as if I had moved all the dishes and he could find nothing...but I didn't get up to help. I kept lying there, hoping I'd drift back off to sleep. I did not. But I didn't get mad, because I knew...

And because I wanted to save him from the grotesque vision of a wife with a cold, I waited until I heard his car backing out of the driveway to get up. It was almost four. With tissues in hand, my runny nose and I went straight to the bathroom. I knew when I looked in the mirror, I had made a good decision by waiting til he left to get out of bed....ugh! But I didn't feel sorry for myself, because I knew...

I started the coffee and read some blogs. I cooked breakfast for the kids and eventually got myself ready for the day. I am an 'on call' substitute teacher so I kinda have to. I took the children to school and raced back home where I began laundry, cleaning the bathroom, even dinner (crock pot). I had "lunch" at 9 and another at 11 (baked potato w/daughter as I paid her a surprise visit @ school) and still no one needed me to sub so I smiled as I pulled back in my driveway, because I knew...

At exactly noon, I drank my Alka-seltzer cold plus and kicked off my shoes. I was about to do something I hadn't done in a long time. I turned the TV on in my bedroom to a movie of no interest and placed my head on my pillow. It wasn't long after that I heard machine guns. I opened my eyes and I knew...

I looked at the clock at it read 12:45, I had just spent the last 45 minutes in a blissful daytime coma, and they are the BEST! Ahh, refreshed and blessed. This may not happen again until 2012 but I enjoyed every peaceful minute.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Part 2

My husband once worked second shift. I found it hard to fall asleep until he was home safe and sound and often got up during the night to use the restroom just to make sure I could see his car outside.

He didn't necessarily come straight to bed when he got home, he might work on his car, wash his car or sit and watch tv for a couple of hours before winding down for bed. One night, I had a really hard time falling asleep. I just lied on my back staring at the ceiling, hoping to hear his car coming up the road...and I finally did. He pulled into the drive way and I heard his car door close. I never heard him enter the house. I got worried. I imagined someone out there beating him, robbing him, or worse so JUMPED out of bed to go SAVE my husband from danger.

I gently open the back door.
Me: "Chad?"
No answer.
Me: (louder) "Chad?"
Him: (sounding very distant) "Yeah."
Me: (not sure I heard him) "Chad?"
Him: (still distant) "Yeah?"
Me: (trying to get a location on him-I yell louder) "Chad!!"
Him: "I'm in the bed!!"

The cold air from outside woke me and I realize he'd been inside, eaten dinner, showered and already made it to bed...while I had fallen asleep waiting...

I have a blogger friend Rachel who is famous for breaking a nose while sleep walking. Click here to read her very funny interesting story. 

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

I have a hidden talent. I do lots of things while unaware I catch up on some ZZZZZZZs.

I'm coming clean here today because last night I ALMOST answered a teacher's call while I was asleep. Sure it was only 9:30 but I'd already been asleep for over an hour. I actually walked into the living room to retrieve this call when apparently my brain heard the phone ringing, it just forgot to wake up. Luckily all I did was pick up the phone without answering and stare at the caller ID. Unfortunately, I've actually answered some calls while dozing! Here is how my last conversation went as I spoke on the phone to someone while asleep.

Me: "Hello"
Brother-in-law: "Is Chad there?"
Me: (in a very LOUD and high pitched voice) "Is Chad there?"
Brother-in-law:(giggling-thinking I'm making fun of him) "Yeah, is Chad there?"
Me: (remaining LOUD and high pitched) "Is Chad there?"
Brother-in-law: (realizing I'm insane) "Is he at the cabin?"
Me: (remaining Loud and high pitched) "Is he at the cabin?"
Brother-in-law: (scared of me now) "Oh, ok...well I'll talk to you later."
Me: (still insane) "Is he at the cabin?"

I hung the phone up and my husband's sweet little sleepy voice wakes me when he questions my conversation. He has since revoked my phone-by-the-bed privileges and we no longer have the ringer turned on in our room. I'm fully aware of what has happened IF someone wakes me, but otherwise, it all becomes a 4-D dream I'll not even realize I've participated in.

So how did I wake up last night? When the phone quit ringing, I put it back down, and went to crawl back into bed. Instead of trying to get back in on my side of the bed, I thought it would be best to creep up the middle.? I placed one hand around my husband's bare ankle. It wasn't so much the contact with bare skin that woke me, it was the way he jumped about four feet. His entire body flew up as if he were Regan from The Exorcist...and THAT is what woke me up!

Who is the bigger redneck

Just to confirm my desires to be a full blown redneck through and through...I issued a challenge to my husband as we walked around the yard, enjoying the various fruits we grew this year. We grew watermelon, grapes, pears, apples, peaches, and muscadines.

As I watched my husband walk around with his CATerpillar cap, his dirty old boots and camo pants, I began to wonder...how does someone actually earn the title "Redneck". Living in the country, it's an elite club that we have only borderline qualities as our qualifications to join. I felt a strong need to step over that fine line of being country, to being redneck.

I've changed my shirt in public at a football game with only a tank top protecting my flesh but you know, when in Rome...

I've shouted double negatives in public on accident and no one even noticed...

My idea of appetizers for parties is Chex mix and salted peanuts, but still something was holding us back from that real label we both desired...REDNECK.

I thought as we both crammed muscadines into our mouths as if they were the absolutes best thing on Earth...which we all know they are...I think I've got it...and I spoke

"Hey!" as we tend to call people, animals, anything alive instead of using proper salutations others may use outside of the rural plantations. Hey is actually polite here. "Wanna see who can spit their seed the farthest?" He looked me up and down as if I didn't have a chance and replied, "You'll lose, this is a man's competition!"

I rolled the seed up to the front of my tongue as we now stood side by side and shot it with every ounce of power I had. He chuckled at my five feet shot and threatened me with a squint of the eye. He rolled the seed around several times in his mouth until he found the proper launching spot. He glanced one last time as if to say, this is how it's done. I watched as his cheeks sunk in as he breathed deep and he blew. The seed when high and far and when it landed, I was defeated. A man's competition. But I won after all, I had just been inducted into the Redneck Hall of Fame. Such a proud day for the Blakelys.

When we were homeless

We started our summer off with a bang when we got news the owners of the house wanted to sell everything-their houses, land, everything. What to do? We began looking at houses in the area, and I was actually flabbergasted to find out that I, as a part-time employee and full-time stay at home mom who has never owned a credit card before to keep me from purchasing items I do not need....had NO CREDIT. I should have re-thought that idea a few years ago. Our worries deepened as we found out that most purchases would require thousands down so I quickly decided we'd just be homeless. I pictured in my mind all four of us piled up in a tent in my parent's front yard. After all, we could rotate the tent every other day, pick a new spot around the yard and pretend we were camping...permanently.

However, we were sent a saving grace by the owners offering to sell the property to us...at a fantastic deal. We still had to paint, do minor repairs and pull up carpet to revert back to the beautiful hardwood floors so the appraiser could come do his thing and give a nice report. And today, THE HOUSE BECAME OUR'S. I can not tell you how wonderful it feels to finally own a home. I've honestly never felt like this was 'my' home because it wasn't but now I can breathe easier knowing it's mine. I don't have to ask if I can put in a storm shelter, I don't have to ask if we can add on a bathroom...you get what I mean.

I cried just thinking of having to leave the place behind when we were homeless. This house was built by my husband's grandfather and his sweet little grandmother had made a nice home here for her family. You just can't buy memories. Although my childhood wasn't spent here with walks to the barn, sitting with family on the front porch, climbing cherry trees or picking apples, I desperately want it to my children's memories, and even their children's. My daughter took her first steps here, I spent countless hours everyday trying to teach my deaf children to speak here, I've done cartwheels out in the yard for crying out loud! It was crushing to be faced with the possibility of having to leave it all behind and start over elsewhere. But it just worked out.

I am extremely proud of my husband who went above and beyond to get this house for us. After several minor hiccups during this lengthy process, we closed on it this morning. Now I can plant a cherry tree to replace the one my husband remembers. I can plant hydrangeas like both our Maw Maws loved. This house has been extremely good to us, and we are looking forward to growing old here.

Rabid Children

Wow, two weeks...

And I turn over two rabid children to the public school system again. It's gonna be a rude awakening for these two when they are limited on their 8:30 pm frog catching, 8 am sleeping in, 10 am lunch one day only to wait til 1 pm to eat lunch the next, no schedule havin', swim suit all-day wearin', no shirt/no shoes, dirty faced and garden pickin', all-day truck buildin', caffeine drinkin' kids...

...and I eagerly drop them off to their teachers in hopes they will soon fall back on a schedule and our military-like mornings return without a hitch!

Get ready teachers!!!