BacK To SKooL ChEckliSt

That's right, it is BACK TO SCHOOL for the kiddos today! What people don't realize is that we who work in the school, have a list too. It might not include pencils and notebooks but we must be sure we are ready for when those doors open! Here's my list:

5.  Swimsuit ready. No I don't need to look good in a swimsuit but it must be clean, laid out and ready for me to put it on immediately when school gets out. The thought of jumping in the water after a long hard day of being Wonder Woman will soothe any first day of school!

4.  Complete preserving. The garden, the vines, the fruit trees were quite plentiful this season. All weekend I have jarred and preserved countless cans of jellies and jams. I put up corn, jarred the last of the tomatoes and we're in good shape for the school year on these items! Nothing like getting home and opening a can of "fresh" garden veggies or "fresh" fruit and being able to feed your family with all its goodness. You know exactly what's in it, and you know where it came from.

3.  Treadmill time. I don't walk mile after mile every week for any other reason than to be able to get where I'm going should I ever be confined to my feet. If my car breaks down three miles from home, I should be able to walk home if needed, and I'm confident I could do that. If 430+ kids, 50 faculty members AND one Principal give chase, I should be able to run away from them. I am confident I can run (a short distance) or at least walk swiftly to the main highway where I would call a friend to pick me up. (Hey, it's hot in Alabama right now, I do need air conditioner)

2.  Bug-out bag. My bug-out bag is in the trunk where it will remain at all times. In the bag is a change of clothes, first aid kit, water/food, and tons of other emergency supplies should the weather change quickly one day, and I get trapped at school with children. Our weather here is such a drama queen. It can be semi-warm, sun shining one day and thirty minutes later people are abandoning cars on the side of the road because an mini ice-age has frozen everything, including our mountain roads.

1.  Coffee & hymns. I love coffee and coffee mugs. I have a stockpile so that I will NOT run out and can travel with my addiction anywhere I need to go. It is imperative that I consume as much of this liquid gold each and every morning before I step foot outside. I also love church hymns. I turn the satellite radio on every morning and hear all the goodness as I prepare for my day. I will refer back to the hymns throughout my day when the phone is ringing off the hook, a child is in my office crying, or a parent is in my office crying, or a teacher is in my office crying....Unclouded Day or Farther Along can get me back to where I need to be!

Okay, I think I'm ready. When you actually work in a school, every single day can be different. There are some things you can't actually prepare for and I know this but I have my top 5 down. I'm ready for backpacks, school buses, fresh haircuts and smiling faces!

The Chart of Emotions

You learn a lot when cleaning out your son's room. It's like sitting in a dark smelly room of history. One of the first things I found was a half coke bottle in a bag full of empty knife boxes where we had been to the Smokey Mtns 6 weeks ago!! HISTORY. I waited until he left before I attempted the overwhelming task of ridding the room of pure garbage. You see, he's almost a full-blown hoarder. He finds purpose in keeping trash....he might need the used bottle of water. I mean what if the room caught on fire and he needed to put it out quickly right?


As I walk around with my garbage sack, filling it full of unmentionables, untouchables, etc., I see something under his chest of drawers that catches my eye. It was a laminated school project I had never seen before...apparently from 7th grade (he's in 8th). At first, I smile at his chart of ...whatever. Apparently his math teacher made them draw out, and graph things in their past, both good and bad. If you look at the scoring system, the positives are in the first quadrant where the numbers are also positives. The lower end show things he didn't like...

As you may or not be able to tell, getting his Xbox, a phone, etc, ranked waaay up there while a first grade paddling, dead dog, etc, was way at the bottom. Understandable. But take a closer look...

If you look just above the neighbor dying and just below Grounded Forever....you'll see that I made his chart...terribly singing Mama???? How did that happen? And did I mention......THIS IS LAMINATED!!! Thanks guy, I appreciate it. The only thing worse than my singing is death and he'd rather be grounded forever than listen to me sing.

Sitting with the devil

I'm not sure why I showed up for the Kindergarten Orientation yesterday...but something told me I needed to wear a bra and make-up. Thankfully, I did both because just moments before it started, I was told I needed to stand and speak. You gotta love those friends that throw you out in front of moving train but I couldn't say no to their adorable faces...no wait, I did say no, and they shoved me anyway...I might put them on my watch list!!

Anyway, I was gone for most of the day, I bought groceries, ran errands but everything seemed okay when I returned home. The husband left for work and we got ready for church.

I didn't have a clue the kids were intoxicated with sugar and caffeine until we sat down on the quiet pew. Giggles erupted from them both for no apparent reason other than they have completely went nuts and laughter soon went viral. I knew I had to keep the kids quiet so I looked around at my prey options.

There he sat, alone. It was the Devil. Well, he played the Devil in our Christmas play and I knew he would be perfect! I took child number one by the hand and told him he was to sit by the Devil man until service was over. The child lucked up because a cute little girl sat next to him from his Sunday School class so he HAD to be on his best behavior! Looking forward to being with the children all day so I can control what goes in their bodies! I can guarantee it won't be chocolate and caffeine!

I Need a Sub Syndrome

Dear Teachers,

I am currently open for booking substitute teaching jobs for August 21...the second day of school. I know you all show up with so much enthusiasm the first day, which is August 20...a few days away...but it doesn't take long before reality sets in...you are responsible for putting ALL THAT INFORMATION into their heads in just a few months.

Usually the first symptom of I Need a Sub Syndrome is diarrhea. This can usually start the morning of the first day but over that course of a 24 hr period, nausea sets in followed by the sweaty shakes, shallow breathing and finally tears. Some teachers develop hives and thoughts of I wanna go back to the beach overtake their daily activities. Both children and teachers cry for their mommies but somehow they all push through to make it until the end of the day.

Exhausted, both teachers and students pass out at eight o'clock that first night. Teachers however, being much older, often wake with that first day of school hangover unlike the children. The amount of caffeine they've poured into their bodies to get them through the first day would kill a horse. The kids wake fully refreshed, ready to go back and see their friends and teachers they already love. The poor teachers wake only when the alarm clock forces them to and they angrily slam their hand down to turn it off, or break it, which ever comes first. Heads hurt and bodies ache. Their furrowed brows lead them to the coffee pot and the sweet sound of percolating joe gives them enough energy to turn on the shower. They hop in, they hop out, the coffee is ready, and they are happy. This begins their long dependency on those dark grounded beans but this makes them happy, pretty and nice.

Some teachers never make it to the coffee pot. This is where I come in. So book me now teachers. If you feel like I Need a Sub Syndrome will not fade after that first day, give me a call. I go to bed at eight anyway, and my brows always lead me to the coffee pot each morning. Coffee makes me pretty, happy and nice, too.

The Slapper

7:09

That's what time I woke up this morning. In my world, this is as INSANITY...but I was out late last night. I mean, I didn't even get home until like 9:00. It had been dark for hours when we left a university we'd been visiting, and one child was teetering between this world and a dream phase as she rested her head on a our jackets.

On the way home, my son was mesmerized by all the lights, cities had on display...who knew? We are rarely out after dark! He was amazed by the street lights, the headlights, everything that darkness brought. Several towns already had Christmas decor hanging from the posts.

I did great driving. I had GPS technology pointing me in the right direction. Once I got within 30 miles of home, I started to turn it off, because I knew exactly where I was but I left it on thinking it would entertain the kids. I've traveled this road a thousand times and I saw our Exit up ahead. I took the exit and when I got to the end of the short uphill ramp, I put on my blinker. I looked at the GPS who had been correct the entire trip and it wanted me to go in the opposite direction. "Huh, look! The GPS wants me to turn that way! How weird." I began to make my turn in the direction I knew was home, and I hear a backseat driver (aka, my mother) "Hey! Where are you going?"

I was just crazy, not used to driving in the dark, and I was about to take us in the opposite direction. For once, I was thankful for backseat drivers! I would have eventually figured it out I guess but I just shouldn't be allowed out after dark...at least not more than 15 miles from home.

I might even need to borrow my son's latest invention, the Sock Slapper. He says to use the sock slapper on people who need a good slappin'.

Now, it's 8:30 a.m. the morning after, and I've not gotten dressed, I'm still drinking coffee and have no intentions of doing much of anything today...and I kinda like it. About an hour before my husband gets home from work, I'll likely jump in the shower, put on make-up, light a candle so the house smells clean, and pretend I've actually been productive today...I love Fall Break from school...and this is pretty much gonna describe my week...I hope.

Please Come Rap

Wow, I've been spending so much time over at the high school, I forgot what it was like to be booked up at the elementary school for a change. I was sad that I can't help the PTO with Auburn/Alabama store which is held on Friday...because I love my PTO peeps, but I'll be teaching. Now they know that I always find some way, even if it's only 30 minutes or so while my class is at recess, to try and contribute some time. But I got a different request for today...and I was excited!!

The PTO President called me one day last week and asked if I could rap on Monday! Yeah, ME!! I knew I was kinda booked up already but I felt a little light headed with the excitement and before I knew it I said, "Of course I can!" She then told me that it was BYOS (bring your own scissors) but I barely heard her because I had Beastie Boys, Nelly, 2Pac, all rhyming in my head with the anticipation. After I had time to recall the conversation later very repetitively as any good girl with OCD would do, I wondered why the heck I needed scissors? All I could think of was "I will cut you!"

But whatever, I had some rappin' to do, so I found scissors so they'd let me in. I couldn't decide what I should wear...high tops? thick gold chains? a grill?

I wasn't sure what they would request to hear so I quickly brushed up on some Run DMC...

"One day when I was chillin' in Kentucky Fried Chicken...
just mindin' my business, eatin' food and finga lickin' ...
This dude walks up lookin' strange and kinda funny...
Went up to the front, with a menu and his money..."

I ran through a few Nelly songs, whipped out Salt n Pepa...I was getting so excited with every mile I traveled. I tilted my hat to the side, pulled my pants down about seven inches so my boxers would show, and I walked inside. I exagerated a limp, and I finally made it to the PTO room.

The blood ran out of my face when I saw the President there, with wrapping paper...she was ready to WRAP! My heart is so sad tonight, I was so close! Next time Lady, be sure you spell out what you are asking...some of us get confused! lol

Ambulance at My House

There is nothing like sleep walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night and hear an extremely loud and close ambulance at my house. It was so close in fact I didn't just wake up, I woke in full blown Mama instinct panic save my kids from a fire kind of mode even though it was an ambulance. I was standing at my son's door so when I flung his door open I saw lights. It was a darn toy! He is deaf so he never heard it so I simply shut his door and acted as if it didn't happen. I was kind of disappointed I wouldn't be a hero this day.

I've been fighting for my life a man cold. The older I get, the longer my colds last. This is the second full week of sniffles, runny nose, bleeding nose, I can't reach the remote or open the dishwasher and quite frankly, no one here wants to hear it anymore. Looks like I'm gonna have to break down and do some kinda laundry but I'll grunt and grown as if it's breaking every bone in my body to see if I can grab one more day of sympathy. Actually it's my school's PTO Homecoming Spirit Store sale and town parade so I'll attend these events first and then come home and be sick. I've learned from the pro that man colds never interfere with football so I can always be sick after the social events! Today I shall paint red and blue under by eyes to hide my bags and get these kids all fired up for the big game tonight! Woop Woop!

Cyclops and Cycles

After I sped out of the parking lot leaving a dust trail behind me, I drove straight to The Gym. The whole twenty minute drive I was fighting to stay on the road as tears ran down my face. Having dropped the children off for their first day of school, I figured people would think I was crying because I'm gonna miss my babies...that wasn't it at all. Something was wrong with my contact and I finally had to remove it and throw it away. I walked in as a Cyclops. I was seeing only partially with the one remaining contact and still wiping tears when I saw her...the gym owner. It was nice to see she was still wearing my legs, you know the ones I always wanted but could never have.

I spoke to the runners who were gathered around having a social moment before we entered...THE SPIN ROOM. As I began walking down the dark hall of doom to reserve a bike, Sharonda popped out it was good to see her smile. I felt like we were in a meadow full of wild flowers and I outstretched my arms and began to jog towards her. Still smiling she went right past me...I guess she was glad to see someone else. Darn, apparently I missed the gym folk more than they missed me.

With my burning bloody red eye, I walked in and found a bike next to a nurse. I found it convenient that the gym owner took the one on my other side. They didn't have to tell me...this was planned. I knew they took one look at me and decided I needed not one but two people certified in CPR to resuscitate me should I fall out, but they were kind enough not to embarrass me in front of everyone and they simply sat on their bikes and smiled...but I knew they were worried.

And who was teaching spin? None other than "He Gave Me Nelly" Lady F. After skipping the gym all summer, I'm not sure how this will turn out. She was flipping through her music and I decided I would stay. Even though Nelly wasn't in her ipod at the time, I was certain that Flo-Rida, Rhianna, Beyonce and Shakira could get me to end. I look over at the owner so she could see my eye. I batted it really slow to make it look worse. She gagged at the horror but I only smiled. I knew I had an excuse to leave if needed. I assured her I had a whole list of other excuses if that one didn't work. And we rode...

We rode and we rode, we were sweating buckets but we rode. There were times when I had to imagine the music videos for these songs to reach my 'happy place' so I didn't puke but I rode on. Before long, I realized Lady F had cured my eye. I felt no pain, even as sweat dripped into the cornea because the rest of my body was undergoing such trauma. Although I won't be able to move by the time cheer practice rolls around tonight, I survived. And size is only an excuse for not exercising. If I can do it, anyone can!

Going through detox

I have a confession. My husband and I are entering our children into a detox environment tomorrow morning. As school approaches us on Monday, I realize what my kids, and teachers, will go through on that difficult day. The shakes, the sweats, the nervous chatter, the upset stomachs...

We decided to make our home a detox facility beginning in the morning. Sound the fire alarms...I will actually cook my children a healthy breakfast, they will drink 100% juice and/or REAL milk. They will not grab chocolate throughout the day, nor will they turn to caffeine after the noon limit I had enforced earlier in the summer. They will not get up, walk around in their swim suits all day, pretending to be cops and robbers, and leaving messes so that Mom will have something to yell about...

They will be good little children, make their beds, put on proper clothes, eat well throughout the day, and read books!!!! Oh, who am I kiddin'? We can detox on Monday!! Woop Woop, last weekend to be wild heathens, good luck teachers!!!!!!

Rabid Children

Wow, two weeks...

And I turn over two rabid children to the public school system again. It's gonna be a rude awakening for these two when they are limited on their 8:30 pm frog catching, 8 am sleeping in, 10 am lunch one day only to wait til 1 pm to eat lunch the next, no schedule havin', swim suit all-day wearin', no shirt/no shoes, dirty faced and garden pickin', all-day truck buildin', caffeine drinkin' kids...

...and I eagerly drop them off to their teachers in hopes they will soon fall back on a schedule and our military-like mornings return without a hitch!

Get ready teachers!!!

Dear Teachers...

Today is July 1st. For stay-at-home moms, this means that in just 6 more weeks, school begins. For teachers, this means...wholly crap I only have six more weeks of sanity as they book last minute vacations to try and pack as much fun possible into their FREEDOM.

When I decided to be a stay-at-home mom, I sat down and made a chart. The chart listed the days of the week, and which chores I would do on what days...(what a joke). What I found after my first few days at home with small children is that you won't vacuum on Mondays and Thursdays...you might vacuum three times on Monday, and then not touch the vacuum for eight days. You won't change bedding on Wednesdays, you will change it four times some weeks and then not at all other weeks because you've forgot all about it during the mountains of other laundry you've done. You'll go weeks without dusting sometimes because you rarely sit down long enough to actually look closely at your furniture.

So let's just say, for those of us who have become accustomed now to having our children in school, while taking care of our homely duties, it's a bit of adjustment having them here...every...single...day. So without blinking, we typically welcome the school year back with open arms. The kids are getting bored now. They miss their friends.

However, we've worked so hard this summer at renovating our home that we've barely had a summer break this year. So this time, I'll actually be sad to see the six weeks wind down. I've not had enough time yet. I want cookouts, I want to swim, I want a tan, I want my hair to naturally lighten from the sun....I've not had enough time.

But Dear Teachers;
As we approach the 2011/2012 school year beginning August 15, I am still a substitute teacher. I am prebooking for August 16 for those of you who go in that first day, and suddenly feel ill. There isn't anyone gonna stand there when you tell them you threw up saying "Ok, show it to me next time." So book in advance if you feel a virus coming your way.

**Disclaimer**
This DOES NOT APPLY to Kindergarten teachers. Sorry, I'd be more tempted to rock the poor babies that cry the first few days so I'm gonna let you dry up all tears the first few weeks before I volunteer to do K. (just kidding!)

Have a wonderful Fourth of July everyone! I plan to not vacuum on Saturday, not do laundry on Sunday and not dust on Monday during this long weekend. It's so much easier accepting NOT TO DO lists!

Because we are the Blakelys, and that's how we roll...

I have to admit, I need one off-day a week...while everyone else is away at work/school...just to catch-up and mentally process the days that passed. If you have ever met us, you know we are some crazy people up in hurr! Mama needs some time to write out all the insanity so that when I do lose it for real, someone can remind me all the glorious things that led up to my mental deficit.

My kids...love 'em love 'em love 'em...but I've had to learn to laugh-off many incidences that would have really sent a normal person over the edge. Like when Brook wrote Gage's name on the bathroom wall...how did we know it was her? She used her own pink fingernail polish! Yep...I'm still waiting for the laugh on that one...let's move on.

What about all the random quotes my kids' (ahem, GAGE) gives faculty at school? ESPECIALLY when I'm around...remember I do work there part-time as a sub too, so they are MY CO-WORKERS!! It's a wonder any of them even call me to work-as nutty as my kids make me look! The most random quote ever that wins the blue ribbon is when my kids jump out of the car and before they could shut the door, they tell the Assistant-Principal that I WANT TO DANCE FOR HIM!!! Most random thing ever!! Now-here's where that came from...

I always try to embarrass my kids as much as possible-as you can see, the little rats deserve it! So this particular morning, I said that when we pull up at school, I was gonna start dancing in the car to embarrass them in front of their friends...
The only thing I could possibly do after he told the man this random information, is shake my head and drive-off, I couldn't hold up the car line just to get myself outta that mess! So from now on, when my kids tell you something completely off the wall just remember, we are the Blakelys...and that's how we roll...

I'm going to sleep in the car line

Went to The Gym and saw Lady F. I've decided what I experience in her class is sort of like hypothermia...only I'm about 10 degrees hotter than necessary for the condition. My body must be confused on how to handle such vigorous activity that it doesn't see outside of that gym, and it begins to shut down. Just the thought of going into that room, makes my bladder malfunction. I always make one last run to the restroom for that 'just in case' last attempt so that if I do faint, rip something, or die, they'll be less to drain all over myself in front of people. Then, after the 5 min. warm-up, my body has to make decisions...which parts are most valuable RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW? So my brain immediately shuts down 75%, in order to keep the vital limbs in action. Kinda opposite of hypothermia I guess. I watch myself move around the step at an alarming high speed, do lunges, repeaters, squats, chest presses, biceps, triceps, etc. etc. Shutting down part of my brain allows me to keep participating physically, but exiting mentally. But I was able to do most of what she ordered us to do, at least. And I must say, my 'hangy-down-thangs" are a lot less hangy...according to my daughter who describes my triceps in her adorable 7 year old kinda way. She is for sale.

I am tired and drowsy. I've exerted myself and now I need a nap, but instead it's time for me to go get in the car line at school. With the warm sun shining down, I know how cozy and comfortable it will be in my car. I plan to nap. Only wake me if I am holding up the car line, or my if my mouth is hanging wide open...otherwise, I'll wake myself soon enough by the unscheduled head doddle or the unexpected moan which I tend to do as I drift in and out of consiousness. But please feel free to give me that courtesy honk or a gentle tap on the window if I do begin to hold up the car line traffic. Thanks!

Turn the Page...

I realize that I'm completely insane for waking at 3:45 am, but I could honestly go to bed at 7pm every night if the little people that live with me would LET ME, but since that isn't an option I watch the clock and retire by 8:30. Do I jump outta bed and shout Hey I wanna go sweat for an hour and rush home to shower and finish getting the kids ready for school so I can work/clean/care for/shop/shuttle/forget to eat lunch I'm so busy the rest of the day?...however, when my eyes pop open, I get up if it's appropriate timing, and I do consider 3:45 appropriate.

However, the reward I get, comes after I arrive to my spin class (which is currently my favorite for my schedule-but I try to squeeze in a variety of classes). My reward is in the music, mostly. There is nothing like visions of my neighboring spinner "Mr. Bucky", one of our town's finest, cycling at full speed to some Soulja Boy, Metallica, AC/DC or Flo Rida. I can't help but wonder what he's thinking, is he listening to this music, does he like it? Cause I'm lovin' it!

Today we had a real treat. New music to jam to while spinning as fast as we can on our imaginary route to nowhere. It had a mix to some crazy hair band groups that used to be plastered to my closet door, back in the day. Groups like Guns N Roses, Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Extreme and maybe even some Poinson. We were rockin' and rollin' I tell ya. Then it happened. Bob Seger came on. It was the real Bob Seger, not an imitation jingle singer impersonating him like some exercise music is. Turn the Page poured from the Spin Room at The Gym and I heard voices. Not the kind inside my head this time but grown men, singing the lyrics to this song, and it was awesome...not necessarily the singing, just the fact we were all exhausted, we were all sweaty and stinky and we had survived the hour of spin with "The Landlord".

"The Landlord" actually owns the gym and she teaches classes too, so I have to be careful not to give her dirty looks like I do many of my other instructors. She might sentence me to 30 laps or some cruel and unusual punishment-like 2 hrs w/Lady F or turn Bee loose on me (shutter). Gotta go rest up for another spin class in the morning, then I'm off to sub at school. Let us pray.

The White Sock Memo

Okay, I've officially lost it. I got up, went to spin class at five in the morning, came home to a circus! Kids were crazy, husband wasn't happy because the kids were crazy. I had just enough time to put on dry clothes and load the kids up for school. Just as I pulled into the school parking lot, they admitted they had eaten a handful of sugar each! Fabulous, but that was no longer my problem, we were at school now and the teachers are gonna kill me. I kept driving after I dropped them and went back to the gym!

I got on the crossramp for a few minutes and noticed everyone going for the aerobics room. What was going on? PILATES, I've been wanting to try this so I go in, and I see The Runners. I immediately ask if I can do Pilates and they were evil enough to tell me YES. So I stayed.

Everyone started pulling off their shoes and I'm thinking, do mine even match? Obviously these people do not walk around on the patio, out to feed the dogs or check the mail in their socks like me. I had on off white, casual/dress socks, not even close to bright white fresh from the pack active socks like EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON HAD ON...apparently I didn't get the memo. But I wasn't gonna let a little thing like stained socks dishearten my desire. I figured I'd manage or cheat through since it was described to me as lots of breathing and core strengthening and stretching. I'm great at heavy breathing and need to stretch since Lady F hurt me yesterday but the WARNING flag was the core strengthening description. I have a core, I have a LOTTA core. And then the biggest warning flag of all...in walks Lady F. TO TAKE THE CLASS. Crap. I can't do this.

But I act like I can and I made it through the 45 minutes without injury. But I assure you, I am not strong enough for Pilates. It was like taking those last few exercises from Lady F's class, the ones I totally cheat on, and doing a whole class on just those exercises I can't do. The skinny girls have less weight to hold up but when big gurls like me try to hold themselves up and do ssssslllllllooooooowwwwww push ups, we get shaky, we get off balance, and instead of 10 we do 2. So as you can see, the least of my worries was my socks. I'll stick with my spin and my aerobics until I shed about 10 lbs at least.

Hi-Skewwww

Lots of times when I meet a new sub, I'll say, "So do you go over to the high school too?" And more times than not, I'll get a "NO WAY!" before I can finish my sentence.

There are certain risks going over there...headaches, heart failure, stroke, disfigurement, not to mention to risk of ambulatory phychotic treatment are all possible side effects of being a sub in a high school, but you usually survive. All the kids think their real teachers are mean...but nice don't work here. Even some of the sweetest ladies I know are teachers and subs at the high school and have a reputation but after one day over there, you'd understand why.

The minute kids see a sub they get excited. Even the sweet looking girls will try to deceive you tell you they are supposed to just sit there listening to MP3 players. Some come in talking about a fight that is supposed to happen during break, some smile at the sub and some come in and go to sleep immediately. I overhear kids talking about all kinds of various things from inappropriate to silly, to drugs, to everything under the sun, but if they are in quiet, private conversations after they have finished their work, I let them be. Nothing I can say or do will change their behavior outside of school. They get things like that from their real teachers. Some have actually flashed their hands in the air and said, "It's just a sub" when they realize they've said something borderline inappropriate too loudly. I can't stand that! It's like screeching fingernails down an old chalkboard!

Some kids, especially girls, tend to have the smart mouths...or attitude. They dislike when a sub is left no assignments but she teaches anyway...**grin** Yep, I may not know how to teach band or music class to high schoolers, but I know what symbolism is. So when people take advantage of quiet time, and use that to dance around the room, talk in their loud man voices about 15 dbs too loud, or ask to go to the restroom one by one...I whip out symbolism. "What is a symbol?" I ask, but I forgot this was music class so I got "a percussion instrument"...

We discussed symbolism in "The 12 Days of Christmas", they actually found it interesting-at least the 9th grade music class did...we even talked about "Every Rose Has its Thorn". We went over the various symbolic meanings of roses, their colors and even how Romans used the term 'sub-rosa' meaning under the rose at meetings, hanging roses above the meeting table at times which meant they kept that matter private/secret...we even discussed some rap and country songs. That worked for about 15 minutes...but I assured them I love to write and that if they got loud again, I'd have them pick a song and break it down, writing me the symbolic meanings of lyrics, etc.

I also assured them that I'll be back several times next month for that class and I'd have tons of writing assignments on standby....sometimes you just have to show them, you're not just a sub. Pretty soon the unruly ones will realize that I am no 

and if I leave some place for ambulatory psychotic treatment, it'll be from my home due to my own kids, not someone elses!

The kids from Heaven

Although I'm very thankful for my kids, and I'm sure they were sent from Heaven, I'm not referring to them today...nope. Our day started on the wrong foot when Brook awoke MAD!! "What's wrong with this stupid thang?!?!" She shouted. Deep breath in, deep breath out...I know when she wakes like this, it's never good. I enter her room to find her trying her best to be a good girl underneath that harsh frowning exterior...she was trying to make her bed but her comforter was sideways. "My stupid bed grew!!"

Apparently she had a good day at school, they knew where to find me if she got outta hand, but I didn't see her all day. Gage always has a good day so no worries there. But putting them together after school for the 30 min car trip through pouring rain with a malfunctioning contact (I could not wait to get that out of my eye when I got home!) makes for a very stressful trip to the dentist. He's getting more mature so he straightened up...she did not. She went to bed at 6:30 last night, I stand by my decision!

Yesterday (and again today) I have found the kids from Heaven. I am not joking when I say I had to 'shhh' them maybe ONCE. The entire group was mature, eager to learn, and quiet. At first, I was a little creeped out by it, who's that good? I was afraid maybe there was a rumor I was the wicked witch teacher or something and I'd cast a spell if they spoke or moved or breathed. I was careful to be extra polite and to give them extra smiles, I didn't want to be the wicked witch. But as the day went on, I realized they talked, just quietly, they didn't seem scared of me at all, they gave me all kinds of artwork at the end of the day (one said 'you are awesome' the others were pictures and even a homemade horse that stood up on its own, I so needed a paper horse!)...What a great class! Not that any of my others have been horrible, these kids are just Angels. We'll see if they do as well today as they did yesterday!

Oh, I'm afraid I've ruined this teacher for good. She can't go home complaining of her horrible day at work!! Nope, I won't believe it!! lol, she's doing a great job though!!

Today I needed chocolate...

...and I stole some from the teacher I was working for. She wasn't there obviously and needed me to sub for her, and I was very desperate! She had a jar FULL of Hershey's Kisses and I swear they were smiling at me. I ignored them, I gave them dirty looks, and then I ate them...several of them. I felt so bad, she'll know it was me, and who wants a candy thief working for them...so I left her a note and some change...lol.

Lunch is what actually what pushed me over the edge. I sat w/a bunch of first graders...WHOSE MAMAS PUT BROWNIES, AND FANCY CAKES from Little Debbie in their lunchboxes. I begged the kids to give them to me and they refused. So when I got back to the room I cracked and had 3 Kisses. So today I needed chocolate, and I took it, without asking...shame on me.

The C word !!

I LOVE first graders!! Yes, if you had to spend every single day with fifteen six year olds who are all so demanding different, you'd want to poke your eyeballs out a break occasionally and this where I come in...the sub!

Last time I had these guys I met "my little sweetheart" who had lost a tooth 'cause it bled when he washed it so the doctors removed it...read that story if you haven't already, ADORABLE KID !!! So I was completely looking forward to what conversations would unfold during my day in first grade...

First, I should explain that first graders are a little less forgiving when subs do not do things EXACTLY LIKE THE TEACHER so I do my best...it's hard having fifteen critics constantly telling you that you were supposed to read them a book after snack and not after lunch....but hey, I've learned to admit "I am trying to entertain you kids so you don't go home crying do things the right way but as long as we get it all in, the teacher will be so happy."

Back to my little sweetheart who I almost did not recognize because he forgot his glasses. Well, I met a little opposition from one kid in the room who did not want to draw me a picture of a person doing their job in a familiar place (fireman/fighting fire, teacher/school) as we discussed nouns (people and places) and then write me a sentence about it...he preferred to be doing cartwheels or punching holes in his water bottle which would leak all over himself and the floor...so I continued to speak and ignore his comments but not my little sweetheart...he marched up to my desk, with a look on his face like he had just witnessed a major crime and he patiently reported the information...
"Now, now, I believe I just heard (he looks back at the defendant to make sure he's accusing the correct criminal kid) yep, I believe I just heard the C word !!" I'm saying every curse word in my head trying to remember the C word hoping he doesn't see me smile so I look sternly at the defendant and say nothing. My little sweetheart is nodding his head and patiently and politely accusing the kid of the C word crime and then the accused says, "Crap???" I simply shh him and point to his paper hoping this will just blow over and not be a big deal. I tell the sweetheart to go back to his seat and assure him that was kind of an inappropriate word and that it would hurt my feelings if I hear it again. Luckily it worked.

This same sweetheart got nervous (again) when he got behind on a test and came up to me and said, "with all this racket, it's making my minds a crazy" as he made dramatic swirling motions around his little head. I had the kids quieten down and assured him my minds were crazy too, lol.

After that, he told me in front of the whole class that my name and his teacher's name sure were very nice names (wink wink) and a couple of the boys said, "oooooh I'm gonna tell Mrs. W when she comes back!!" and the adorable sweetheart said proudly, "Don't mind if you do! And be sure to tell her we'll have a new student in here beginning next week!"

I heart first graders

Journey to the Gym V (and flowerless flowers)

I was all  hyped up this morning, ready for the gym...excited I would soon be reduced to tears by 'Lady F' only to walk through the doors and have her chicken out tell me class was cancelled due to all the crazies other ladies deciding to go run for miles and miles and miles and miles (I don't run). So I grabbed a treadmill and worked up my own sweat...which worked out fine because I made it home sooner and was able to eat an extra lunch do some laundry.

I wasn't in the mood to push myself too much since I had been completely exhausted yesterday after a field trip (1st grade)to a local farm. We live in the country, farms are nothing new. The challenge is adding in hundreds of other people on the same farm for school field trips, counting heads like every thirty seconds, lying to telling the kids "we'll eat soon!" when they all ask every six seconds "When can we eat??" By the end of the day, I had no desire to even walk to the car. I seriously felt like lying in the grass and waiting until my husband or someone else drove right up to me and lifted me inside the vehicle. I am old. But luckily I am not the only one because one of these first grade teachers called me and asked that I fill in for her the last half of Friday so she could get the heck outta Dodge! Hope she is having fun footballin'!

Just before I walked out the door to go to work, I received an automated e-alert that my daughter had completed another Accelerated Reader quiz on her library book at school (parents have the option to sign up and receive the test scores automatically, love that!) When I looked closely I was discouraged because she only made a 30. Then I took a second look and saw that she was testing on The American Revolution...she is six years old. I asked her teacher (who teaches next to the room I was subbing in) if she knew B had tested on The American Revolution and luckily she was able to delete this mishap and get her to test on her actual library book Young Chrissy...whew! Not sure how B typed in American Revolution though! lol

As soon as I walked in the classroom for my subbing job, I got hugs and smiles and many said, "Hey Brooklyn's Mom!!" I just love first graders! Despite the fact that three girls cried on me (not my fault!). One fell out of her chair, got embarrassed, put her head down and sobbed but when I told her about me falling out of my chair(as an adult-some of you may have witnessed it, lol) and how embarrassed I was, she smiled and it was over. One girl cried when someone wasn't gonna be her friend and still another made a mistake on her math test and was unsure if she could correct it...(she did) and once again all were smiling their toothless grins. One little girl brought me the prettiest bunch of grass flowerless flowers back from P.E. Did I say I just love first graders?!!! So adorable.

Had a fantastic day, kids are so cute...I love my jobs. I would also love a pedicure this weekend, along with an eyebrow waxing...I need a little hygiene pampering!! Can't wait for Zumba Sunday at The Gym.