He gave me Nelly...

Where oh where do I begin? I tried something new at The Gym this morning...although I've attended 2 spin classes before, this was a different instructor and they are all unique so it's like starting over sometimes when you change instructors...

I walk in and there SHE is...Lady F...yep, Lady F from step class, who likes pain, who likes sweat, and probably blood too...I have my game face on-I give her the "Let's do this!!" look as I desperately try to assure myself so she knows I'm not chicken! I go find a bike, place my towel on it so people know it's reserved and walk around in a panic, wondering what the heck am I doing?

The room is packed, she refused to let me plug up the fan, lights went off and I began to sweat. My heart raced as the music pumped-did I hug my kids goodbye? Did I tell them I loved them this morning? Is this the end?

About half-way thru the class-I'd already ridden at least 12,000 miles, I began to converse with myself. If you've read about my gym visits before, you know this is not good. I had reached a point that I was trying to decide between passing out, cardiac-arrest, choking to death on salt water that poured from my brow down into my mouth (nasty), or just walking out and leaving...staying wasn't even being considered at this point...and then It's the Climb came on. Not a huge Miley fan but I've always liked this song-when you have any type of struggle in life and you hear that song, things tend to shift in the right direction. For a brief moment I thought of my child. Although both of my kids are deaf without their cochlear implant processors on, many of you know, one child (with Goldenhar Syndrome) has always been a medically challenging child. I have no idea how many surgeries he's had, how many CTs/MRIs, sedations, I had to quit counting to preserve some mental health for myself. I was on the verge of tears when God stepped in. As usual, He showed me the young lady a few bikes over whose husband is now an unexpected cardiac patient...the lady who's been snowed in with a potty training toddler (whew, if you don't have kids-that's extremely stressful) and then a cancer survivor who walked past the spin room who had just ran miles on the treadmill outside...Every single person in that gym had already climbed mountains in some form or another, we all pushed through, we are all winners. I could hear some of the riders singing the words to the song and my tears did not fall.

I soon forgot about leaving the class, I was there to stay. This was nothing. If I can stay up for days on end, sleeping in a hospital with my child, if I can give him iv medication for weeks around the clock, if I can work several part time jobs so I can remain a stay at home mom too, I think I can ride a bike for an hour. As the sweat poured, my towel was soaked, my clothes were soaked, and God stepped in again. He gave me Nelly. I love me some NELLY, right down to the little bandaid on his cheek. Although Hot n Hurr would have been fitting, I pushed though Shake Your Tail Feathers and so did everyone else. We are rock stars. We are taking our stresses, and making them work for us.

I made it home...somehow...and my kids looked horrified when I walked in. One kid said, "Mama, your eyes look crazy, they're different!" I went straight to the shower and there I saw mascara on my cheeks, fabulous. I've boiled my clothes and had a salad and roast beef sandwich on light whole wheat for lunch. And for the first time, I felt skinny...no matter how big my a** is, I felt skinny. I'm working hard, I'm doing it for me, and the pounds don't even matter at this point...I can do things, I had no idea I could do.