Ready to Pass Out

I was absolutely ready to pass out last night. I've been taking sinus/allergy meds for several days now and they always make me sleepy anyway but on top of that, Brooklyn had her little cousin sleep over and keeping up with three kids just wore me out...even though they were "perfect" little angels.

I did approximately 9 loads of laundry yesterday, I washed sheets, blankets, comforters, throw rugs, you name it! By the time 7 o'clock bedtime rolled around, I was whipped. I crawled into my fresh, clean, deliciously smelling bed. Snuggled down and got warm, and immediately my entire body simply relaxed and I could feel myself drifting out of this world. I heard a distance and faint call from a child, "Mama." I had just put the child to bed. I'd fed her, made her brush her teeth, use the bathroom, got a sip of water, sat in the bed with her and tickle-scratched her arms til her eyes rolled back in her head. I mean what more can a child need? So I ignored her.

Ahh, I almost felt weightless as I breathed in deeply and smiled at the thought of the upcoming rest. Again I hear, "Mama." I began to get a little irritated because she's beginning to make this a habit...calling me back to tell me something like "We're having pizza at school tomorrow" or something of the like when I am already so comfy in my bed. After being rudely interrupted again, I try to visit back to that relaxing happy place I call my nightly coma when I hear a final, elevated "Mama."

Whew. I exhaled with defeat and flip the covers back and drag myself away from my most favorite, warm spot and go see what this child wants. With no glasses to see with, I squint my eyes from her bedroom door and ask, "What?" She points to her Justin Bieber poster and says, "That's a watch he's wearing."

Perfect.

We've Reached That Point

Irritated, I ransack the dryer for that final sock. Nothing was left but a couple of washcloths and a towel.  I look at the sock basket. The one piled high with socks because it shreds my nerves I'm too lazy to sort through them. I find one similar but not the same. For me or the kids, similar would work just fine but not for the husband, so look at the neat stacks I've already folded and I notice something. In my son's stack, I see a pair of socks that look almost the same, but something is a little different. Oh yeah! One has a gray bottom, the other is just white. There's my final sock. I hold the two socks up and I almost tear up. We've reached that point. Our children are big enough that I can't tell what is mine from my daughter's or my son's from my husband's. It's a sad, sad, day.

Driving to school one day, my son's friend (a classmate that carpools with us) got out her phone and was turning it off as we pulled in the parking lot. My child says, "Gyah, Mama won't let me have a phone til I get to seventh grade!" I tell him that he doesn't even talk on the phone....ever, so all he would use it for is texting and I'll get him one when he leaves the comforts of the elementary school, and heads over the scary high school. I am the ridiculous mother...we've reached that point.

The two kids that used to run around the yard together (all day long), collect worms and frogs just to freak me out and play in the tree house together, now can't play peacefully together for more than fifteen minutes. She's still into her dolls and playing school while he's hunting with a B B gun and looking for firewood. Unfortunately, we've reached that point.

I'm just looking to come out of this alive and with all my limbs. I may have to donate some brain cells as I lose everything from common sense to data that used to be important like my age, weight, and birthday.

A Slider

A child woke before me this morning. That doesn't work for me, so I waited. I could see his flashlight shining through the living room but waited. I heard the bathroom door shut. WHEW! Hopefully he'd go right back to bed during this five o'clock hour. I heard the door open and I held my breath. Not sure why, it's not like he'd know I wanted him to go back to bed and sleep for two hours so I could have time to myself, he thought we were all still asleep. But I saw the flashlight again, and then heard a quick pounce as he jumped into the air like a flying squirrel and landed on his mattress. And I waited.

It only took a couple of minutes before I realized I too needed the bathroom. Did I drink a gallon of water before bed? I couldn't wait any longer but how would I get past his open door without him seeing me? I walked without fear through the living room and then paused in the kitchen near his door. I saw his hearing devices on the counter so I knew he couldn't hear me, but he would see my shadow as I passed between the kitchen night-light and his room unless, of course, I crawled. That's exactly what I did and I discovered the best thing ever! How to do a slider.

I'm no stranger to crawling past the children's bedroom doors to keep then in bed where they belong but a slider is so much easier and faster. Normally I take slow, deliberate advances so there's minimal bruising to the shins and it gives my knees a chance to pop instead of break in two. But today, I looked down and I had on the perfect outfit for a slider...my new fluffy pajama pants I got for Christmas.

I could hear the child sniff, so I knew he was awake. I placed my nervous palms down on the linoleum and took a deep breath. I counted down, three, two, one and with one quick pull I was sliding fast across the floor. My bum caught on the threshold up ahead OUCH and I was in the clear. I pulled myself up with the refrigerator as my crutch and walked to the restroom as if that never happened. The only problem was could I pull it off twice? I chuckled to myself at the thought of my husband coming out to "catch me" in action but it was well worth the risk.

I had to get back, the coffee and computer was on the other side. I placed my back against the large cold appliance that had just helped me up and waited. It was gonna be harder getting back than it was going, there was the threshold and less space! This time, instead of placing my hands outward, I had to stretch out a leg. I was gonna have to spider across instead of slide. That's okay. I can "spider" I think to myself. And I did just that. I hunkered down and as quick as an adult human spider with four legs can go, I went. Whew! I rewarded myself with a cup of coffee and sat at the computer. I was home free. Five minutes later, I saw the flashlight and he came in the room and smiled at me, he smelled coffee. Perfect.