Fo Shizzle

I've reached a point with my children (didn't take me long) that they realize how uncool I am. I don't necessarily want to be cool anyway.

The other day, I started dancing and singing a song I've heard on one of those stupid tv shows, and then once I achieved just the right amount of eye squinting lip curling dirty looks from my kids I followed with, "What? I'm the new Big Time Rush member!" thinking I was cool for knowing such words! Both heads shaking they returned, "It's the Fresh Beat Band!" and then they LEFT THE ROOM so they could make fun of me!

Ahhh, so this is the point where parents, realize we know nothing that's playing on the  top 40 stations, we pop in a Snoop Dogg CD because it's familiar, and we say "Fo Shizzle!" because in our minds, we are still cool.

Please Don't Come in Wildly...

We are doing our best to ensure our children turn out as nutty as we are. It looks like all the hard work is paying off. We awoke to yet another note from the 10 year old. It states...

Please don't come in wildly be calm cuz I want you to open the door, look at the picture card I made (I just put them by each other and made a pic) Put the 3D glasses on! Pic is by cardboard fence don't touch!!

...and he has an arrow pointing to the glasses he's propped behind the door knob.

Congratulations. We never know what we'll wake up to. The child needs to work third shift for sure when he gets older. He gets 'busy' after we go to bed at 8:30 pm and works on his projects for like an hour or so before he too collapses. It's unclear how he pulled his chain around front and rigged a screwdriver to gently hold a flashlight...or even why? But he knows the rule of not locking your bedroom doors at night (my children are deaf so this is an essential rule!)
We are also pretty convinced he's gonna be OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) just like my sister who counts words on her fingers and my dad who is very clock oriented.

Either way, he's a fun little guy to watch and at this point he prefers the number five over four, he gets very irritated if things are by fours not fives and he's almost always needed things to be in patterns. So we wonder what will come next?!?! My sister is gracious enough to explain things I don't understand, like what goes through the brain that makes a person take a certain amount of steps into a building or repeat sentences in your head until they end on a 5th or 10th finger....

Home Video

My daughter loves making videos. She gets in trouble on occasion due to the fact my batteries are usually powerless when I need them but I do love ever so often going back and actually watching what she films. Sometimes I actually find out the TRUTH of what happens during little fights between her and her older brother! She loves the camera!


 Adorable at 7, here she is...in a 2 1/2 min clip.

Dirt and all there she is. The kids have had to find creative ways to entertain themselves since we've been busy painting, you'll see some things out in the yard, some hand trucks ("elevator") and obviously this was right before I painted the porch! Enjoy, she'll pay me back one day!

My husband awoke this morning around 4:30 am to get ready for work and found cardboard notes all around the house...a little boy wanted to be sure he got to ride his four-wheeler in the mud today after all the rain we got last last night.

They were EVERYWHERE, haha.

We enjoyed our 4th. We don't go crazy with the fireworks, they are too expensive and we are always disappointed. But the few we got (for 50 bucks!) were enough to get the kids all excited!

Dear Teachers...

Today is July 1st. For stay-at-home moms, this means that in just 6 more weeks, school begins. For teachers, this means...wholly crap I only have six more weeks of sanity as they book last minute vacations to try and pack as much fun possible into their FREEDOM.

When I decided to be a stay-at-home mom, I sat down and made a chart. The chart listed the days of the week, and which chores I would do on what days...(what a joke). What I found after my first few days at home with small children is that you won't vacuum on Mondays and Thursdays...you might vacuum three times on Monday, and then not touch the vacuum for eight days. You won't change bedding on Wednesdays, you will change it four times some weeks and then not at all other weeks because you've forgot all about it during the mountains of other laundry you've done. You'll go weeks without dusting sometimes because you rarely sit down long enough to actually look closely at your furniture.

So let's just say, for those of us who have become accustomed now to having our children in school, while taking care of our homely duties, it's a bit of adjustment having them here...every...single...day. So without blinking, we typically welcome the school year back with open arms. The kids are getting bored now. They miss their friends.

However, we've worked so hard this summer at renovating our home that we've barely had a summer break this year. So this time, I'll actually be sad to see the six weeks wind down. I've not had enough time yet. I want cookouts, I want to swim, I want a tan, I want my hair to naturally lighten from the sun....I've not had enough time.

But Dear Teachers;
As we approach the 2011/2012 school year beginning August 15, I am still a substitute teacher. I am prebooking for August 16 for those of you who go in that first day, and suddenly feel ill. There isn't anyone gonna stand there when you tell them you threw up saying "Ok, show it to me next time." So book in advance if you feel a virus coming your way.

**Disclaimer**
This DOES NOT APPLY to Kindergarten teachers. Sorry, I'd be more tempted to rock the poor babies that cry the first few days so I'm gonna let you dry up all tears the first few weeks before I volunteer to do K. (just kidding!)

Have a wonderful Fourth of July everyone! I plan to not vacuum on Saturday, not do laundry on Sunday and not dust on Monday during this long weekend. It's so much easier accepting NOT TO DO lists!

The Exorcist

My sister swears I should have named her Ragen because there are times, like on Sunday for instance, that she displays behavior as if she were possessed like the child in The Exorcist...

I know you can't tell from the picture but this sweet little freckled-face smile developed a condition much like the possessed soon after this photo was taken.

She hates medicine, any medicine. She gags, she cries, I'm really not looking forward to the whole tonsil removal in a few weeks!

We decided to take her to Children's Hospital's ER Sunday to have them examine her foot that had been pierced with a 3/4 inch piece of wood last week. It had some white skin around the puncture spot but it appeared more white was developing inside, and I feared infection. The doctors agreed. They needed to open the area to drain any fluid out and clean the area really well.

Apparently the bottom of the foot is a difficult area to numb. They put the standard topical cream on to do it's job, they were gonna spray the foot with an additional numbing solution, give her a nose spray that would help w/pain and then give her a shot in the foot. She refused the nose spray. That was her big mistake.

As they began working she screamed to the top of her lungs "You're KILLING ME". Her beet red faced tried to bite me as I held her upper body down. Saliva ran down her chin as she continued to belt out in protest. She saw the scissors unfortunately as they began cutting away damaged skin. I felt bad for the child but felt bad for the doctor too as I unclenched B's fist that was wrapped around her jacket. I shouted apologies but until they finished she screamed, she shook her head from side to side and if you looked close enough, you could see her head spin all the way around.

Whew, when it was all said and done, her foot was cleaned, bad skin removed, and no more foreign objects were found in her foot. With that said, she has not had any of her antibiotic they said she needed three times a day. I've tried everything I can think of to get it down her. It doesn't matter the form it's presented in at this point, there's no way she'll take it. She can't swallow the pill due to her gag reflexes and she can taste the powder and she'll taste the liquid too no matter how we disguise it. So all I can do is keep it as clean as possible, and pray it heals without further complications.

He's Still Workin' on Me

When I get a chance, I'll start another blog for all my church stories, apparently, Imma need one...

I adore the church we visit. I feel so happy once I leave there even if I've spent most of the service in tears. I listen to people speak about their lives, people I've never met before, but the passion that comes from their heart that ultimately breaks their speech apart as they fight back tears, is so moving. I needed church today. I'm weak. I'm physically weak from the hard labors of completely re-doing our home inside and I'm emotionally weak from the strains this puts on us as a family but hopefully we will finish and all be able to rest, relax, and enjoy our neat and nice home.

I have prayed more this last week than I think I ever have before. There are certain qualities I struggle to possess at times such as patience and He has got me through a really tough week. I LOVE that when I show up to church, the preacher gets on his knees, he cries his eyes out and admits, he don't have certain qualities either. I watched three little girls sing a song about how He is still workin' on them, and I cried. I left there with the assurance I needed. He's Still Workin' on Me...I'm so glad He is.

Oh Sheet!

So we got to the condo down at the beach and my Mom went to the grocery store to buy the essentials like bread, cereal, milk, and beer while we took the kids down to the beach. It felt awesome down there, it was late in the afternoon, and we spent several hours just watching the three little ones enjoy the sand and ocean and eventually moved them up to the pool area.

Mother had fought the crowds of Wal Mart and finally returned with a van load of groceries. There were six of us total and I can tell, she had no intentions of running back and forth to the store.

We finally got everyone situation in the rooms, got groceries put away, kids showered and we were exhausted. It was about 10 o'clock and well beyond our bedtime! When we decided it was time fold out the couch for one of the children, I asked a question. "Has anyone seen any extra bedding or sheets?"

No one had and we began to search in a desperate panic. We searched high and low and only found a blanket (which went straight in to wash) but no sheets at all. Poor Mother spoke, "I'll just go back to Wal Mart and buy some."

She offered to take my daughter and I was thinking that's one less kid for us to watch reluctant but agreed. The remaining folk went onto the balcony and told ghost stories. I had my son and his little cousin so scared. Their wide eyes hung on my every word as I told story after story. Lightening crashed and thunder roared. Rain drops fell and forced us off the balcony back inside. After driving through a monsoon, Mom finally returned and she had sheets, and my daughter. My child took off her hearing devices and said, "I'm going to bed!" and she was asleep within 2 minutes.

We patiently waited for everything to finish washing and drying and my sister decided to sit next to Mother on the couch. When she did, she raised up and said, "What was that?" She lifted the cushion behind her and pulled out a pack of unopened sheets...PERFECT. We three adults burst into laughter and we were frightening the children.

We went to bed LATE early in the morning thinking we'd sleep til at least 7 a.m. but I was awakened by my bedmate at 5:30. "Mama! I had a nightmare!!" And it was all my fault for telling those horrible stories to those poor children.

Deep Thoughts from the Blakely Kids

We had about a 40 minute drive to the Dentist this morning and the kids were being soooo good I was anticipating a complete riot at any moment. I try to encourage independence and give the kids some breathing room so while they are in the backseat of the car not bothering me, I totally ignore them I listen to their hilarious interesting perspectives on life in general.

Brook began by asking if I would give them their battery chargers for their processors (hearing devices) when they get big and move out. She then starting telling Gage she HAD to marry someone who could hear. She said, "Babies cry at night and I won't be sleeping with my implants on so he'll have to do all that!" Gage replied, "I'm not getting married. I'm gonna be too busy. And I'm not having kids, it's too much responsibility! You have to feed 'em and all that. They cost too much money and I'm bored just thinking about it!"

Brook said she was definitely having kids! "I'll have to leave 'em with someone else though...like Mama 'cause I'll need a break. I'll have like 10...or maybe not that many..."

HELP ME NOW!!

She better find a good back-up sitter is all I gotta say!

The Water Slide

So my mother took me and my sister (and the little people that live with us) to the beach this weekend and someone had the great idea to take the kids to Waterville USA while we were down there. That's a huge water park/amusement park. For five hours we played, we swam, we drove go-karts, we traveled the Lazy River...

At some point in my delusional-heat stroke kinda mentality-I look over at my sister and point to these big (non-kiddie) water slides and say "Hey, if any of the kids wanna go down those, I'll take 'em...or you can if you want." She looked at me like I'd just slapped her kid and she proceeded to cuss me out. I guess she didn't wanna go (she's even more scared than I am of heights!)

Okay, I can do this. I opened my mouth and asked this question..."Hey, who wants to go on those big water slides?" My son wasn't interested at all but two little girls, ages 6 and 7 excitedly say "I wanna go, I wanna go." So we went.

The first deck leading up to the slides wasn't that bad. At this point we were only about 20 feet in the air. As we waited in line, we chatted about which slide we wanted to go down. They had three different colors leading down and we all picked a different color so we could go down at the same time. Then we went up the next set of steps and I felt weak. Don't look down, don't look down, keep talking to the kids, distraction distraction DISTRACTION!!

My knees were weakened by the altitude and all I could think was, "Do it for the chill-ren! Do it for the chill-ren!" Someone bumped into me and the two inches I moved seemed to have me falling 50 feet down in my mind. My back tingled as my mind accepted the fact that I was gonna fall to a sure splat. If anyone else bumps me, I may throw up.

The kids were waiting quietly at this point as we neared the next set of steps, the final set...I wanted to ask if either of them had changed their minds but said nothing. Saliva ran down into my mouth and I fought hard to make it up those final steps with my hands and knees shaking. The kids walked over to their slides, as I did mine and we waited for the cue to go down. The lifeguard watched over the edge and now that I can't see the bottom, it isn't so bad.

She gave us the thumbs up, and I saw both girls go down so I had to GO! I hopped in my slide and I started laughing. I have a nervous laughter that begins when I'm on scary rides such as a 4-D movie theater when you sit in a seat and feel like you are IN the movie! I knew this laughter wasn't a good sign. It's almost like one of those evil scary movies when the killer has been caught and is about to die, but all he can do is laugh out loud! Very weird I know but I usually laugh until tears start rolling from my eyes. I'm laughing and screaming "Oh [insert un ugly word of your choice] Oh [insert an ugly word of your choice]" as my body is shooting down this RACE TRACK at speeds I never imagined. I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm throwing legs up, arms up, I didn't care who can see me from above, logic told me to grab on to the sides and I will slow down!!" But I could not. It was so slippery and my only option was to reach the bottom at speeds I can't control. I'm sliding, and turning so fast, I can't see what's coming up around each corner, will I go up or down, sideways, and WOOOSH. The end. I didn't even have time to hold my breath as the water shot straight up through my nostrils and punctured my brain. I'm confused, I'm still laughing and I feel exposed. I try to pull around on my swimsuit to make sure if anything was OUT THERE, it would be covered as soon as possible.

Anything that was hanging out at top was okay now so I step over the edge of the slide, see the girls doing the same and I breathe from my mouth and reach around to the back and try to cover what's back there. I don't feel my suit but I knew I was wearing a one-piece when I got on the slide so I find it hard to believe it all came off. I finally found the suit which had been transformed at the end of the slide to a thong and we are all okay.

I tell the girls as I gasp for air and stumble around that "I didn't like that at all. I was horrified!" My sister's child looked up at me and with chubby cheeks said, "Val, I wanna go down the pink one!" So with that, we all walked right back over to the steps, and began our climb to the top.

I am wearing a scab on my elbow from the frantic fight I put up on my way down trying to grab on to something...anything. I will forever laugh now when I see a water slide.

Sorry Mista Ossifer

A friend's Facebook status reminded me of this story...sigh.

One day, a few years ago, I had went to town as I always did on Saturday mornings to see my family. Now I grew up in this town, and had moved just outside the city limits when marriage and children led me in that direction. But I assure you, some of the same (now older) cops still remained on patrol. Nothing against cops, many of my school-mates were now cops and several had and do still serve on this force. THANK YOU! Most of you do an excellent job!

However, on this random Saturday, I drove my mini-MAMA-van thru this small town. Kids were screaming, probably fighting, and all I had on my mind was getting to my Mom's house so she could deal with them for a while. I needed a break. In my crazed desperation, I payed no attention to my speedometer. BIG MISTAKE!

Before I knew I knew, I was driving up a small hill and when I reached to top, there he was. He was heading in the opposite direction of me...and the lights came on. He must have been extremely busy that day because he stopped me right there atop the hill. We both remained in our vehicles and he rolled his window down, as I did mine. The kids got quiet and he spoke...

"SLOW IT DOWN!" I admit I was a little taken back, but before I knew it my mouth opened and words came out..."Geee, how fast was I going?" I said in my best smarty pants voice. Remember, I was in desperate need of a break and well, I didn't need any attitude from anyone else...he just caught me at a bad time.

With visions of seeing myself on the next episode of Cops, I heard him answer, "35!!!!!!!! Slow it down! Consider this your FREEBIE"

I was borderline laughing that I had been pulled over for going 35 mph but continuing my smarty pants remarks despite the Angel on my shoulder trying to advise me to let it go...I said, "Wow, 35? I am so sorry! What is the speed limit?" as I looked with obvious intentions to prove there was no sign anywhere, he replied "It's 25 right here, just slow it down!"

I looked at him and slowly spoke with confusion "ooookayyyyyy, thank you." And I now I always enjoy telling that story...."Oh yea, well I got pulled over going 35!" lol