Deep Thoughts from the Blakely Kids

We had about a 40 minute drive to the Dentist this morning and the kids were being soooo good I was anticipating a complete riot at any moment. I try to encourage independence and give the kids some breathing room so while they are in the backseat of the car not bothering me, I totally ignore them I listen to their hilarious interesting perspectives on life in general.

Brook began by asking if I would give them their battery chargers for their processors (hearing devices) when they get big and move out. She then starting telling Gage she HAD to marry someone who could hear. She said, "Babies cry at night and I won't be sleeping with my implants on so he'll have to do all that!" Gage replied, "I'm not getting married. I'm gonna be too busy. And I'm not having kids, it's too much responsibility! You have to feed 'em and all that. They cost too much money and I'm bored just thinking about it!"

Brook said she was definitely having kids! "I'll have to leave 'em with someone else though...like Mama 'cause I'll need a break. I'll have like 10...or maybe not that many..."

HELP ME NOW!!

She better find a good back-up sitter is all I gotta say!

The Water Slide

So my mother took me and my sister (and the little people that live with us) to the beach this weekend and someone had the great idea to take the kids to Waterville USA while we were down there. That's a huge water park/amusement park. For five hours we played, we swam, we drove go-karts, we traveled the Lazy River...

At some point in my delusional-heat stroke kinda mentality-I look over at my sister and point to these big (non-kiddie) water slides and say "Hey, if any of the kids wanna go down those, I'll take 'em...or you can if you want." She looked at me like I'd just slapped her kid and she proceeded to cuss me out. I guess she didn't wanna go (she's even more scared than I am of heights!)

Okay, I can do this. I opened my mouth and asked this question..."Hey, who wants to go on those big water slides?" My son wasn't interested at all but two little girls, ages 6 and 7 excitedly say "I wanna go, I wanna go." So we went.

The first deck leading up to the slides wasn't that bad. At this point we were only about 20 feet in the air. As we waited in line, we chatted about which slide we wanted to go down. They had three different colors leading down and we all picked a different color so we could go down at the same time. Then we went up the next set of steps and I felt weak. Don't look down, don't look down, keep talking to the kids, distraction distraction DISTRACTION!!

My knees were weakened by the altitude and all I could think was, "Do it for the chill-ren! Do it for the chill-ren!" Someone bumped into me and the two inches I moved seemed to have me falling 50 feet down in my mind. My back tingled as my mind accepted the fact that I was gonna fall to a sure splat. If anyone else bumps me, I may throw up.

The kids were waiting quietly at this point as we neared the next set of steps, the final set...I wanted to ask if either of them had changed their minds but said nothing. Saliva ran down into my mouth and I fought hard to make it up those final steps with my hands and knees shaking. The kids walked over to their slides, as I did mine and we waited for the cue to go down. The lifeguard watched over the edge and now that I can't see the bottom, it isn't so bad.

She gave us the thumbs up, and I saw both girls go down so I had to GO! I hopped in my slide and I started laughing. I have a nervous laughter that begins when I'm on scary rides such as a 4-D movie theater when you sit in a seat and feel like you are IN the movie! I knew this laughter wasn't a good sign. It's almost like one of those evil scary movies when the killer has been caught and is about to die, but all he can do is laugh out loud! Very weird I know but I usually laugh until tears start rolling from my eyes. I'm laughing and screaming "Oh [insert un ugly word of your choice] Oh [insert an ugly word of your choice]" as my body is shooting down this RACE TRACK at speeds I never imagined. I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm throwing legs up, arms up, I didn't care who can see me from above, logic told me to grab on to the sides and I will slow down!!" But I could not. It was so slippery and my only option was to reach the bottom at speeds I can't control. I'm sliding, and turning so fast, I can't see what's coming up around each corner, will I go up or down, sideways, and WOOOSH. The end. I didn't even have time to hold my breath as the water shot straight up through my nostrils and punctured my brain. I'm confused, I'm still laughing and I feel exposed. I try to pull around on my swimsuit to make sure if anything was OUT THERE, it would be covered as soon as possible.

Anything that was hanging out at top was okay now so I step over the edge of the slide, see the girls doing the same and I breathe from my mouth and reach around to the back and try to cover what's back there. I don't feel my suit but I knew I was wearing a one-piece when I got on the slide so I find it hard to believe it all came off. I finally found the suit which had been transformed at the end of the slide to a thong and we are all okay.

I tell the girls as I gasp for air and stumble around that "I didn't like that at all. I was horrified!" My sister's child looked up at me and with chubby cheeks said, "Val, I wanna go down the pink one!" So with that, we all walked right back over to the steps, and began our climb to the top.

I am wearing a scab on my elbow from the frantic fight I put up on my way down trying to grab on to something...anything. I will forever laugh now when I see a water slide.

Sorry Mista Ossifer

A friend's Facebook status reminded me of this story...sigh.

One day, a few years ago, I had went to town as I always did on Saturday mornings to see my family. Now I grew up in this town, and had moved just outside the city limits when marriage and children led me in that direction. But I assure you, some of the same (now older) cops still remained on patrol. Nothing against cops, many of my school-mates were now cops and several had and do still serve on this force. THANK YOU! Most of you do an excellent job!

However, on this random Saturday, I drove my mini-MAMA-van thru this small town. Kids were screaming, probably fighting, and all I had on my mind was getting to my Mom's house so she could deal with them for a while. I needed a break. In my crazed desperation, I payed no attention to my speedometer. BIG MISTAKE!

Before I knew I knew, I was driving up a small hill and when I reached to top, there he was. He was heading in the opposite direction of me...and the lights came on. He must have been extremely busy that day because he stopped me right there atop the hill. We both remained in our vehicles and he rolled his window down, as I did mine. The kids got quiet and he spoke...

"SLOW IT DOWN!" I admit I was a little taken back, but before I knew it my mouth opened and words came out..."Geee, how fast was I going?" I said in my best smarty pants voice. Remember, I was in desperate need of a break and well, I didn't need any attitude from anyone else...he just caught me at a bad time.

With visions of seeing myself on the next episode of Cops, I heard him answer, "35!!!!!!!! Slow it down! Consider this your FREEBIE"

I was borderline laughing that I had been pulled over for going 35 mph but continuing my smarty pants remarks despite the Angel on my shoulder trying to advise me to let it go...I said, "Wow, 35? I am so sorry! What is the speed limit?" as I looked with obvious intentions to prove there was no sign anywhere, he replied "It's 25 right here, just slow it down!"

I looked at him and slowly spoke with confusion "ooookayyyyyy, thank you." And I now I always enjoy telling that story...."Oh yea, well I got pulled over going 35!" lol

But I Don't Want To Be Deaf

Today was our first day back in church. We used to go every single Sunday but our tiny old church lost its congregation and we all went our separate ways so we have sought after a new one. My idea of church is a small country church (Baptist or Methodist) with lots of songs, a great preacher and a child-friendly congregation and atmosphere. We found it.

As we sat down on the pew, we were automatically welcomed and saw friendly smiles flash our way. Today, it was just my daughter and I and she found a classmate to sit with, I joined them. As we burst into song, I heard hands clapping, feet stomping and people patting the back of pews as we all sang. I heard just the right about of country whine in the voices from behind...it was beautiful.

The preacher had us turn to a verse in our Bibles. He read it aloud and that single verse spawned a 45 minute sermon. He stood on the piano bench, he walked down the aisle, he got down on his knees. His voice was so loud at times, I could feel it bounce from my rib cage. He was full of enthusiasm and he assured us, "This ship ain't goin' down!" He talked about WHO should be Captain of our vessels and WHO is there when the water is rough, WHO is guiding us safely and WHO leads us and WHO stays with us when we feel like we are sinking.

I actually found myself shaking my head, getting carried away with the preacher's voice. I found myself crying when the beautiful little girl (almost 4) sitting on our pew sang OUT LOUD the words to a song that I had to read from a hymn book. While visually impaired, she may never be able to see the tiny words of the book but she's already received them through her heart. As tears filled my eyes at the beautiful sight, her mom told me she loves that song and sings if all the time at home. Her little voice could be heard over all others, and I'm so glad I got to be a part of that.

On the way home, Brook asked me how God makes babies. Luckily He gave me the proper words for her 7 year old mind. She then turns to me and says, "Does God make people have syndromes?" And again, he filled my mouth with just the right words. Without hesitation, my voice slipped over lips and answered the tough question.

"Yes. Sometimes, God decides that certain babies are going to be different than His other children. He decides to make them weaker in some areas and stronger in other ways. He decided you and Gage would be deaf." She quickly interrupts, "But I don't wanna be deaf. It's hard to hear!" I reply, "But He made you extra special so you could teach others. Had you not been deaf, so many people would not have learned about hearing loss, patience and understanding. God decided your ears wouldn't work but He's made you stronger in a lot of other ways."

She understood what I was trying to tell her. She now knows that God is the Captain, He is in charge and He sails the ship.

A Violent Ride

Ok, consider this your disclaimer...too much information headed your way!

First of all, I blame the teachers who didn't call me to sub today which forced me to show my face at Lady F's spin class. I knew that she would likely be in a violent mood today since the Alabama tornadoes not only took out her power for a few days, but since her husband works for the power company, he had to leave her for a few days as well. I knew that those of us who showed up today would be like sitting ducks with targets on our foreheads since she's had some disturbance in her daily schedule. I got as far away from her as I could.

When she turned on the music and began singing "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem and Rihanna, my suspicions were confirmed...were were in for a long ride. She allows no fans in her classes. (I'm telling you, she is crazy hard core!) She sang the chorus over the mic and I'm getting scared. She glanced at me just as Eminem screamed "my fist through the drywall!!" and my mind starts searching for a happy place. I need birds, I need the ocean, I need something other than this! I could not pull up a happy place to save my life. I'm sweating so bad at this point, it's stinging my eyes and I wonder if I've now reached a point that I'm sweating blood. She's yelling for me not to slow down so I pedal faster, still looking for a happy place. She barks for us to move up and down and up and down all while we are pedalling as fast as we can but all I can think about is how badly my thong is hurting...that's when I realized I didn't wear a thong, I had on big girl panties when I walked in but somehow they were reduced with all the commotion of the violent ride.

I double check with the nurse beside me on her ability to perform CPR and she assures me she can do it. Only 30 minutes had passed and I'm still convinced I'm sweating blood. I look to my other side and mouth the word HELP to Sharonda. She laughed at me.

When it was finally over, I went to the "Landlord". I told her I needed Lady F to sign a waiver so I can write nasty things about her-I tend to fight my battles with a pen because Lady F would totally kick my butt in a real fight...but the Landlord just laughed, she thought I was kidding. I made a few stops around town and chatted with several folks, and then the nausea set in.

I actually thought I was gonna throw up in my drive way. I ran inside and got something to drink and I was fine. I had burned so many calories and my stomach was furious with me for not feeding it well enough. I stepped inside the bathroom to wash the Lady F off of me. I looked in the mirror and I realized I had a black eye. Not kidding! I've learned my lesson about wearing mascara to the gym so now I only wear a tiny bit of eyeliner. I had apparently sweated and smeared it all around my ocular globe...I have got to start checking my mirror BEFORE I go around starting up conversations! I knew it was a violent ride.

Alabama Tornadoes

CRAZZZZZZY weather here in Alabama. It's actually chilly today while it was eerily hot yesterday as we awaited round two of a tornado outbreak. The kids and I had already spent 30 minutes at daybreak early Wednesday morning in the partial, dirt-floor basement trying to stay out of harm's way during round one. Unfortunately, many are still missing here in Alabama after a day long event of dangerous storms and tornadoes. Well over a hundred are confirmed dead at the latest count and thankfully, our community escaped safely, no deaths in my immediate area.

However, many of us are finding lots of things along our roadways and yards aside from downed trees and limbs. As we walked around our yard late yesterday and early today, we found lots of pages from various books, but this seems to be the most fitting, the most interesting...

 A few pages from a small Bible

My child ran to me with tattered pages in her hand. I took the dirty, wet scriptures from her plump, seven year old hands. She said, "What is it?" and I smiled and said, "A gift from God, I can't wait to read it."

We also found a bank paper with a name, a page from Chapter 15 of a history book with The Battle of Bull Run on it....

 We found a Kentucky Fried Chicken receipt, ironically all the way from Calvert City, Ky...not sure how that ended up here, it was a debit receipt signed by the customer, from several years ago...

We also found photos and an old baseball card...

We are very thankful this morning, we are praying for those who weren't so lucky....

If you are interested in seeing photos of the damage in AL, click here.

You can also watch the tornado that we saw live on TV as well ripping through Tuscaloosa (many miles southwest of me) HERE.

School is out again today, the kids are not excited that they will likely have to go a couple of Saturdays to make these days up...but we live another day, to love, to complain, to carry on as 'normal'.

I felt the warm sun on the back of my neck as I hung clean laundry on the line this morning. I was teary as I hung up my children's clothes that I placed on their small bodies yesterday, not knowing if it was all they would have left at the end of the day...

We are blessed.

It's perfectly fine...

It's perfectly fine to tell your child as you pull into the parking lot of her pediatrician's office that they will use pliers to pull that dangling tooth out before they give her a strep test...

she decided to pull it out before we went in, and she got lots of cash for that tooth that literally hung around for over a week...

It's also perfectly fine to pay your children to do housework-even if they are recovering from strep because they want money and you don't like to everything all by yourself anyway...

after all, you need to rest on the patio from all that you DID DO during the week...drinking coffee in your swimsuit, no make-up, hair pulled back wearing extra large shades will be fine for a half day chillout...

but just before the husband comes home, turn on the Scentsy or light some candles so the house smells fresh and clean...jump in the shower, apply make-up and brush through your hair so he has no clue that you've done absolutely NOTHING...

AHHH-it's perfectly fine to have an awesome weekend...hope you all had a great Easter!

Because we are the Blakelys, and that's how we roll...

I have to admit, I need one off-day a week...while everyone else is away at work/school...just to catch-up and mentally process the days that passed. If you have ever met us, you know we are some crazy people up in hurr! Mama needs some time to write out all the insanity so that when I do lose it for real, someone can remind me all the glorious things that led up to my mental deficit.

My kids...love 'em love 'em love 'em...but I've had to learn to laugh-off many incidences that would have really sent a normal person over the edge. Like when Brook wrote Gage's name on the bathroom wall...how did we know it was her? She used her own pink fingernail polish! Yep...I'm still waiting for the laugh on that one...let's move on.

What about all the random quotes my kids' (ahem, GAGE) gives faculty at school? ESPECIALLY when I'm around...remember I do work there part-time as a sub too, so they are MY CO-WORKERS!! It's a wonder any of them even call me to work-as nutty as my kids make me look! The most random quote ever that wins the blue ribbon is when my kids jump out of the car and before they could shut the door, they tell the Assistant-Principal that I WANT TO DANCE FOR HIM!!! Most random thing ever!! Now-here's where that came from...

I always try to embarrass my kids as much as possible-as you can see, the little rats deserve it! So this particular morning, I said that when we pull up at school, I was gonna start dancing in the car to embarrass them in front of their friends...
The only thing I could possibly do after he told the man this random information, is shake my head and drive-off, I couldn't hold up the car line just to get myself outta that mess! So from now on, when my kids tell you something completely off the wall just remember, we are the Blakelys...and that's how we roll...

We've been invaded

Wow, talk about a shocker...showed up for spin class and it was her. I've heard stories about her spin classes, they've even thought about hiring a bouncer to stand outside the spin room at the gym for crowd control, that's how many nuts people want to get into her classes. I've never been crazy enough to show up for had the pleasure of participating in one of her classes and a last minute schedule change landed her on the instructor's bike at 5:15 am...lucky me.

And guess what? She brought her own crew too. We were invaded, we didn't have a chance...Her crew is very loud...very loud indeed for 5:15 A.M.
But that's fine, I kept my mouth shut and peddled. The girls were outnumbered. I knew my neighbor from Zumba class, but I barely muffled a "hey" to him. He was fast on his feet and I knew he was about to out-do me and then rub my nose in it. I tried to look at Carol and Jerry who were across from but I couldn't see their faces, my glasses were in the car...dang. I wanted to give Carol the WHO THE HECK ARE THE INVADERS AND WHAT DO THEY WANT WITH US? But she kept her head low, and didn't make eye contact with anyone...she's smart. I'm hoping Jerry at least has CPR certification...just in case, but his glasses were reflecting light and I couldn't tell if he was looking at me, or if he'd closed his eyes completely...picturing the end of our ride. The room reeked of sweat and Huddle House...musta been the testosterone...

We all survived, the chest pains I felt have passed so apparently it was only heartburn, the asthma attack I'd hoped for (to get me outta class) never came either, so I live to ride again...

I'm going to sleep in the car line

Went to The Gym and saw Lady F. I've decided what I experience in her class is sort of like hypothermia...only I'm about 10 degrees hotter than necessary for the condition. My body must be confused on how to handle such vigorous activity that it doesn't see outside of that gym, and it begins to shut down. Just the thought of going into that room, makes my bladder malfunction. I always make one last run to the restroom for that 'just in case' last attempt so that if I do faint, rip something, or die, they'll be less to drain all over myself in front of people. Then, after the 5 min. warm-up, my body has to make decisions...which parts are most valuable RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW? So my brain immediately shuts down 75%, in order to keep the vital limbs in action. Kinda opposite of hypothermia I guess. I watch myself move around the step at an alarming high speed, do lunges, repeaters, squats, chest presses, biceps, triceps, etc. etc. Shutting down part of my brain allows me to keep participating physically, but exiting mentally. But I was able to do most of what she ordered us to do, at least. And I must say, my 'hangy-down-thangs" are a lot less hangy...according to my daughter who describes my triceps in her adorable 7 year old kinda way. She is for sale.

I am tired and drowsy. I've exerted myself and now I need a nap, but instead it's time for me to go get in the car line at school. With the warm sun shining down, I know how cozy and comfortable it will be in my car. I plan to nap. Only wake me if I am holding up the car line, or my if my mouth is hanging wide open...otherwise, I'll wake myself soon enough by the unscheduled head doddle or the unexpected moan which I tend to do as I drift in and out of consiousness. But please feel free to give me that courtesy honk or a gentle tap on the window if I do begin to hold up the car line traffic. Thanks!