He gave me Nelly...

Where oh where do I begin? I tried something new at The Gym this morning...although I've attended 2 spin classes before, this was a different instructor and they are all unique so it's like starting over sometimes when you change instructors...

I walk in and there SHE is...Lady F...yep, Lady F from step class, who likes pain, who likes sweat, and probably blood too...I have my game face on-I give her the "Let's do this!!" look as I desperately try to assure myself so she knows I'm not chicken! I go find a bike, place my towel on it so people know it's reserved and walk around in a panic, wondering what the heck am I doing?

The room is packed, she refused to let me plug up the fan, lights went off and I began to sweat. My heart raced as the music pumped-did I hug my kids goodbye? Did I tell them I loved them this morning? Is this the end?

About half-way thru the class-I'd already ridden at least 12,000 miles, I began to converse with myself. If you've read about my gym visits before, you know this is not good. I had reached a point that I was trying to decide between passing out, cardiac-arrest, choking to death on salt water that poured from my brow down into my mouth (nasty), or just walking out and leaving...staying wasn't even being considered at this point...and then It's the Climb came on. Not a huge Miley fan but I've always liked this song-when you have any type of struggle in life and you hear that song, things tend to shift in the right direction. For a brief moment I thought of my child. Although both of my kids are deaf without their cochlear implant processors on, many of you know, one child (with Goldenhar Syndrome) has always been a medically challenging child. I have no idea how many surgeries he's had, how many CTs/MRIs, sedations, I had to quit counting to preserve some mental health for myself. I was on the verge of tears when God stepped in. As usual, He showed me the young lady a few bikes over whose husband is now an unexpected cardiac patient...the lady who's been snowed in with a potty training toddler (whew, if you don't have kids-that's extremely stressful) and then a cancer survivor who walked past the spin room who had just ran miles on the treadmill outside...Every single person in that gym had already climbed mountains in some form or another, we all pushed through, we are all winners. I could hear some of the riders singing the words to the song and my tears did not fall.

I soon forgot about leaving the class, I was there to stay. This was nothing. If I can stay up for days on end, sleeping in a hospital with my child, if I can give him iv medication for weeks around the clock, if I can work several part time jobs so I can remain a stay at home mom too, I think I can ride a bike for an hour. As the sweat poured, my towel was soaked, my clothes were soaked, and God stepped in again. He gave me Nelly. I love me some NELLY, right down to the little bandaid on his cheek. Although Hot n Hurr would have been fitting, I pushed though Shake Your Tail Feathers and so did everyone else. We are rock stars. We are taking our stresses, and making them work for us.

I made it home...somehow...and my kids looked horrified when I walked in. One kid said, "Mama, your eyes look crazy, they're different!" I went straight to the shower and there I saw mascara on my cheeks, fabulous. I've boiled my clothes and had a salad and roast beef sandwich on light whole wheat for lunch. And for the first time, I felt skinny...no matter how big my a** is, I felt skinny. I'm working hard, I'm doing it for me, and the pounds don't even matter at this point...I can do things, I had no idea I could do.

Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya...

...and unfortunately my mom has blessed me with more than my share! This is why I get off beat with the instructor during Zumba. It takes my load longer to travel from one side to the next so I always seem offbeat from her skinny self. But I have so much fun doing it! Today we even did the Roger Rabbit to some Salt-n-Pepa! You heard me! Remember last time we did the Roj(read that story here) so you never know what ole Christie has up her sleeve. Class was packed today and I could have sworn I was sweating chocolate...we've been snowed in for days here and seems like that's all I eaten.

And just so I can brush up on my old skool skillz (in case we cabbage patch next) I'm revisiting the 90's....

Fresh from the hog farm....

Want that fresh from the hog farm look? Maybe you should try "Lady F's" aerobics classes. Today she did a so called body sculpting class for those who can see their bodies, mine is still hidden deep beneath a thick winter coat of lard I wear year round. It was a "45 minute" class which she lied and tricked us we just enjoyed so much, we stayed and extra twenty minutes or so. I know I've written about Lady F before (click to read about my first class with her) and it was almost that bad great again today.

I'm safe at home now with no idea how I got here and need about a 45 minute shower to recuperate. I used to think that she wanted me to die, but now I know she doesn't. She isn't specifically targeting me in anyway, she wants us all to be in severe pain. It's okay though, I know you can't actually die from pain itself or I'd have been gone after the first class.

I'm off to shower off the residuals of lying on the bench with my whale tale in the air, lying in the floor holding a massive exercise ball with my legs, hoping it don't pop out of my death grip and hit the lady in front of me, and the residuals of trying my best to hide behind people so she don't catch the things I say under my breath me cheating...so I can start my day fresh and clean, and less hog farmish...while I can still walk.

The Fifty

 I started with a fifty, a wonderful Christmas gift that I refused to spend on anyone but myself this year. As tempting as it was to stop by the gas station and fill up my car, buy trash bags and all the other grocery items we are running out of...I said "NO!!!" This year, it would be spent on ME! Now how did I stretch this fifty?

First thing I did was go get my hair trimmed. I'm not big on going to the salon, not really a hair person, so I've not been in about 5 months...so I went. That was almost half (including tip) but I still had $29 to go...

 So I took $11 and bought myself some healthy milk (and I vow to drink a small glass every late afternoon), milk makes me sleepy, sleepy feels good at the very end of the day, and I got my favorite salad items (yum)...$18 to go...

So I took $8 and bought a gift pack (on sale) of makeup. New makeup-which I rarely get to buy-makes me feel good. I deserve new makeup, so I bought it. Now what to do with my last $10 ??...

I took my last remaining dollars and invested it...in myself. For only $10 at my local gym, I can start a complete healthy makeover, and I'm doing it. I signed up for their 2011 Fitness Challenge-Step Yourself Healthy...

and I'm proud that I've spent my fifty on ME this year.



Hi-Skewwww

Lots of times when I meet a new sub, I'll say, "So do you go over to the high school too?" And more times than not, I'll get a "NO WAY!" before I can finish my sentence.

There are certain risks going over there...headaches, heart failure, stroke, disfigurement, not to mention to risk of ambulatory phychotic treatment are all possible side effects of being a sub in a high school, but you usually survive. All the kids think their real teachers are mean...but nice don't work here. Even some of the sweetest ladies I know are teachers and subs at the high school and have a reputation but after one day over there, you'd understand why.

The minute kids see a sub they get excited. Even the sweet looking girls will try to deceive you tell you they are supposed to just sit there listening to MP3 players. Some come in talking about a fight that is supposed to happen during break, some smile at the sub and some come in and go to sleep immediately. I overhear kids talking about all kinds of various things from inappropriate to silly, to drugs, to everything under the sun, but if they are in quiet, private conversations after they have finished their work, I let them be. Nothing I can say or do will change their behavior outside of school. They get things like that from their real teachers. Some have actually flashed their hands in the air and said, "It's just a sub" when they realize they've said something borderline inappropriate too loudly. I can't stand that! It's like screeching fingernails down an old chalkboard!

Some kids, especially girls, tend to have the smart mouths...or attitude. They dislike when a sub is left no assignments but she teaches anyway...**grin** Yep, I may not know how to teach band or music class to high schoolers, but I know what symbolism is. So when people take advantage of quiet time, and use that to dance around the room, talk in their loud man voices about 15 dbs too loud, or ask to go to the restroom one by one...I whip out symbolism. "What is a symbol?" I ask, but I forgot this was music class so I got "a percussion instrument"...

We discussed symbolism in "The 12 Days of Christmas", they actually found it interesting-at least the 9th grade music class did...we even talked about "Every Rose Has its Thorn". We went over the various symbolic meanings of roses, their colors and even how Romans used the term 'sub-rosa' meaning under the rose at meetings, hanging roses above the meeting table at times which meant they kept that matter private/secret...we even discussed some rap and country songs. That worked for about 15 minutes...but I assured them I love to write and that if they got loud again, I'd have them pick a song and break it down, writing me the symbolic meanings of lyrics, etc.

I also assured them that I'll be back several times next month for that class and I'd have tons of writing assignments on standby....sometimes you just have to show them, you're not just a sub. Pretty soon the unruly ones will realize that I am no 

and if I leave some place for ambulatory psychotic treatment, it'll be from my home due to my own kids, not someone elses!

The kids from Heaven

Although I'm very thankful for my kids, and I'm sure they were sent from Heaven, I'm not referring to them today...nope. Our day started on the wrong foot when Brook awoke MAD!! "What's wrong with this stupid thang?!?!" She shouted. Deep breath in, deep breath out...I know when she wakes like this, it's never good. I enter her room to find her trying her best to be a good girl underneath that harsh frowning exterior...she was trying to make her bed but her comforter was sideways. "My stupid bed grew!!"

Apparently she had a good day at school, they knew where to find me if she got outta hand, but I didn't see her all day. Gage always has a good day so no worries there. But putting them together after school for the 30 min car trip through pouring rain with a malfunctioning contact (I could not wait to get that out of my eye when I got home!) makes for a very stressful trip to the dentist. He's getting more mature so he straightened up...she did not. She went to bed at 6:30 last night, I stand by my decision!

Yesterday (and again today) I have found the kids from Heaven. I am not joking when I say I had to 'shhh' them maybe ONCE. The entire group was mature, eager to learn, and quiet. At first, I was a little creeped out by it, who's that good? I was afraid maybe there was a rumor I was the wicked witch teacher or something and I'd cast a spell if they spoke or moved or breathed. I was careful to be extra polite and to give them extra smiles, I didn't want to be the wicked witch. But as the day went on, I realized they talked, just quietly, they didn't seem scared of me at all, they gave me all kinds of artwork at the end of the day (one said 'you are awesome' the others were pictures and even a homemade horse that stood up on its own, I so needed a paper horse!)...What a great class! Not that any of my others have been horrible, these kids are just Angels. We'll see if they do as well today as they did yesterday!

Oh, I'm afraid I've ruined this teacher for good. She can't go home complaining of her horrible day at work!! Nope, I won't believe it!! lol, she's doing a great job though!!

Today I needed chocolate...

...and I stole some from the teacher I was working for. She wasn't there obviously and needed me to sub for her, and I was very desperate! She had a jar FULL of Hershey's Kisses and I swear they were smiling at me. I ignored them, I gave them dirty looks, and then I ate them...several of them. I felt so bad, she'll know it was me, and who wants a candy thief working for them...so I left her a note and some change...lol.

Lunch is what actually what pushed me over the edge. I sat w/a bunch of first graders...WHOSE MAMAS PUT BROWNIES, AND FANCY CAKES from Little Debbie in their lunchboxes. I begged the kids to give them to me and they refused. So when I got back to the room I cracked and had 3 Kisses. So today I needed chocolate, and I took it, without asking...shame on me.

The C word !!

I LOVE first graders!! Yes, if you had to spend every single day with fifteen six year olds who are all so demanding different, you'd want to poke your eyeballs out a break occasionally and this where I come in...the sub!

Last time I had these guys I met "my little sweetheart" who had lost a tooth 'cause it bled when he washed it so the doctors removed it...read that story if you haven't already, ADORABLE KID !!! So I was completely looking forward to what conversations would unfold during my day in first grade...

First, I should explain that first graders are a little less forgiving when subs do not do things EXACTLY LIKE THE TEACHER so I do my best...it's hard having fifteen critics constantly telling you that you were supposed to read them a book after snack and not after lunch....but hey, I've learned to admit "I am trying to entertain you kids so you don't go home crying do things the right way but as long as we get it all in, the teacher will be so happy."

Back to my little sweetheart who I almost did not recognize because he forgot his glasses. Well, I met a little opposition from one kid in the room who did not want to draw me a picture of a person doing their job in a familiar place (fireman/fighting fire, teacher/school) as we discussed nouns (people and places) and then write me a sentence about it...he preferred to be doing cartwheels or punching holes in his water bottle which would leak all over himself and the floor...so I continued to speak and ignore his comments but not my little sweetheart...he marched up to my desk, with a look on his face like he had just witnessed a major crime and he patiently reported the information...
"Now, now, I believe I just heard (he looks back at the defendant to make sure he's accusing the correct criminal kid) yep, I believe I just heard the C word !!" I'm saying every curse word in my head trying to remember the C word hoping he doesn't see me smile so I look sternly at the defendant and say nothing. My little sweetheart is nodding his head and patiently and politely accusing the kid of the C word crime and then the accused says, "Crap???" I simply shh him and point to his paper hoping this will just blow over and not be a big deal. I tell the sweetheart to go back to his seat and assure him that was kind of an inappropriate word and that it would hurt my feelings if I hear it again. Luckily it worked.

This same sweetheart got nervous (again) when he got behind on a test and came up to me and said, "with all this racket, it's making my minds a crazy" as he made dramatic swirling motions around his little head. I had the kids quieten down and assured him my minds were crazy too, lol.

After that, he told me in front of the whole class that my name and his teacher's name sure were very nice names (wink wink) and a couple of the boys said, "oooooh I'm gonna tell Mrs. W when she comes back!!" and the adorable sweetheart said proudly, "Don't mind if you do! And be sure to tell her we'll have a new student in here beginning next week!"

I heart first graders

Journey to The Gym VI-gettin' crunk!

Wow Wow Wow talk about a Zumba class!
With challenged energy today, I decided to show up for Zumba class anyway. As we began our dance session, my major concern was my failing deodorant needing a hip replacement in the future 'cause Christie was crunkin' and she knows how to shake it! The problem is that some of us have lost our skillz over the years. Now ten years ago, you could find us at my house, dancing for hours and hours...we could do it and do it well, let me tell ya. My diminishing skillz have forced me to question, was I actually a cheerleader in high school? How come I can't do this anymore? I'm so not coordinated now and at one point, I thought I could possibly pull a groin muscle from shifting back and forth so quickly and lacking such control. Oh, but good thing my sister was there, she was in the same boat I was in...in fact I couldn't decide if I was laughing at me or her more! She turned once and said to me, "Hope my knee cap don't roll off onto the floor!" But we had fun!

Christie, who is abnormally blessed with major Zumba skills, was bustin' out some old school moves today! She put on some Pitbull and as my sister noted, we were doing the Roj...remember Roger from What's Happening? We did his dance today, we did the snake, dusted off our shoulders, had some Kid 'N Play leg thrusting and she even threw in a semi-cabbage patch...so you know we were having a blast!

My sister and I have decided we should really practice our Zumba moves at home some during the week...do a little Zumba homework! Now I must go back next Sunday! I'll either work my tail off or laugh it off one...either way, reducing my surface will surely be in my future.

Journey to the Gym V (and flowerless flowers)

I was all  hyped up this morning, ready for the gym...excited I would soon be reduced to tears by 'Lady F' only to walk through the doors and have her chicken out tell me class was cancelled due to all the crazies other ladies deciding to go run for miles and miles and miles and miles (I don't run). So I grabbed a treadmill and worked up my own sweat...which worked out fine because I made it home sooner and was able to eat an extra lunch do some laundry.

I wasn't in the mood to push myself too much since I had been completely exhausted yesterday after a field trip (1st grade)to a local farm. We live in the country, farms are nothing new. The challenge is adding in hundreds of other people on the same farm for school field trips, counting heads like every thirty seconds, lying to telling the kids "we'll eat soon!" when they all ask every six seconds "When can we eat??" By the end of the day, I had no desire to even walk to the car. I seriously felt like lying in the grass and waiting until my husband or someone else drove right up to me and lifted me inside the vehicle. I am old. But luckily I am not the only one because one of these first grade teachers called me and asked that I fill in for her the last half of Friday so she could get the heck outta Dodge! Hope she is having fun footballin'!

Just before I walked out the door to go to work, I received an automated e-alert that my daughter had completed another Accelerated Reader quiz on her library book at school (parents have the option to sign up and receive the test scores automatically, love that!) When I looked closely I was discouraged because she only made a 30. Then I took a second look and saw that she was testing on The American Revolution...she is six years old. I asked her teacher (who teaches next to the room I was subbing in) if she knew B had tested on The American Revolution and luckily she was able to delete this mishap and get her to test on her actual library book Young Chrissy...whew! Not sure how B typed in American Revolution though! lol

As soon as I walked in the classroom for my subbing job, I got hugs and smiles and many said, "Hey Brooklyn's Mom!!" I just love first graders! Despite the fact that three girls cried on me (not my fault!). One fell out of her chair, got embarrassed, put her head down and sobbed but when I told her about me falling out of my chair(as an adult-some of you may have witnessed it, lol) and how embarrassed I was, she smiled and it was over. One girl cried when someone wasn't gonna be her friend and still another made a mistake on her math test and was unsure if she could correct it...(she did) and once again all were smiling their toothless grins. One little girl brought me the prettiest bunch of grass flowerless flowers back from P.E. Did I say I just love first graders?!!! So adorable.

Had a fantastic day, kids are so cute...I love my jobs. I would also love a pedicure this weekend, along with an eyebrow waxing...I need a little hygiene pampering!! Can't wait for Zumba Sunday at The Gym.